Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Gertie throws hammers at Southern boys....Part 2

As previously discussed in a recent Southern Boys Part 1, Gertie has a soft spot for Southern gentlemen and sometimes she lets those Southern goggles effects her reflexes when it comes to throwing the hammer, especially when the charmer had twinkle toes.

His online profile looked like he was wearing a zoot suit and a pimp hat, it looked like a creative Halloween costume. When he winked at me it was almost as if I couldn't look away but actually he also had the most mesmerizing eyes. We'll call him The Dancer, he had CMAM, but his light sense of humor and geeky likes were the real draw for our heroine. Email exchanges were addicting and sometimes at all hours of the night. It was a quick discourse before we decided to meet for dinner. I think we had maybe talked for three days, he just had a quality about him.

Upon meeting at dinner he told Gertie about his most recent breakup and in fact it seemed like a sad story. He moved from the South to escape the trauma that broke his heart and give himself a fresh start. The conversation was free flowing and he remarked that he normally had a harder time opening up to people but felt so relaxed with Gertie. There is an innate quality our heroine possesses in which people tell her things about themselves they normally don't share with people they just met. Sometimes it helps her build friendships quickly with people but in terms of dating it actually makes men reveal the flaws way too soon. It's both a blessing and a curse simultaneously.

The Dancer and I had several fun dates we went to a Renaissance Fair, where he wore an eye patch because he thought Gertie was hot for pirates. It was joke a passing but his ability to really play a role was admirable. There was dancing in public and private and he even showed Gertie his infamous move, The Stanky Leg, have you seen this dance? It's from a few years ago but seriously it makes me laugh.

He was charming, chivalrous, and had an interesting relationship with his Mom. He didn't really know how to cook or clean for himself but he paid for a maid and Gertie doesn't mind cooking occasionally. However as things progressed he started talking about his failed relationship, it seemed like he was looking for a housewife. His ex hadn't worked and had stayed at home and been a homemaker despite the fact they had no kids. He revealed that a major source of discontent in their relationship was he didn't like her cookies. She thought they were award winning and he had to tell her the truth, they just could not compare to his mother's.......

We were having alot of fun but occasionally he would be distant or delay plans because a new video game was released. Now I like a good source of entertainment as much as the next girl, but falling behind on projects and calling out of work because Arkham Asylum was released isn't really my idea of adult behavior. I can look past this if I am not your boss, but it makes me evaluate your long term potential. However because of his cute Southern drawl and his proclivity for holding hands in public I looked past the childish ways, until.....

One day in casual conversation he revealed his dealbreakers, I think my response to this conversation really threw the final hammer. After this conversation we really didn't see each other much and the relationship really waned. At first I didn't know if this upset me but upon further pondering I am glad I threw this hammer. He was a huge Auburn fan apparently his Dad taught there before he passed. He was adamant that any offspring he had should attend there. Gertie likes to banter so I jokingly said what if they wanted to study something that Auburn wasn't a leader in and their studies would be enhanced by attending University XYZ. He responded that he wouldn't allow it. He had very firm beliefs on University preference to an alarming way. He said he would disown a child who went to another school. I thought he was joking, alas he was not. He was listed as Agnostic online, so I thought he didn't have strong religious views. Apparently he was very intent on his imaginary future children having no religious exposure because he thought it scarred him in his youth. He also didn't want them to know about Santa. This man played video games and had a million childlike qualities and he wanted to deny his children Old St Nick, bah humbug. The meringue on the pie of it all was that apparently he was in love with Butterscotch pie, it's not a pudding pie it's more complex than that and involves cream of tartar. A contributing reason to his disappointment with his ex was that she couldn't make his mother's famous pie. Despite the fact she tried for two years it really wasn't close so he was glad their relationship didn't work out. In the future his foremost dealbreaker was that whomever he was with could make this Butterscotch pie, because it just wasn't Christmas without it. I was confused he didn't want kids to have presents, but he wanted pie? The hypocrisy not to mention as all of us Ladies know you'll never really make anything as good as a Man's Momma. Why would you have such unrealistic expectations for the ones you love? How controlling could he be? Chivalry is about courtesy, honor, bravery, and generosity I was beginning to reevaluate how many of these qualities he had. Was he looking for love or indentured servitude, Gertie really wasn't sure.

Did I mention he was into Vampire LARP, I think it adds a dimension to the story. Gertie isn't for or against larping she thinks people should do what entertains them and makes them smile. Gertie acknowledges that people who want others to look openly on their lifestyle choices should just too harshly of others. The Dancer just didn't feel the same,and just as easily he flitted into her life he faded he leapt from the flying hammer!

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Gertie won an award....kind of

I would like to start this acceptance speech by thanking the voting members of the audience.....Thank you to all my countless fans (Wait I counted my followers, there's not that many) or at least thank you to Lainey who awarded me this on my very new and burgeoning blog (fingers crossed). Furthermore I would like to Thank all my countless (wait there really are alot of these, Maria, Kathlene, Marie, Noel, Kelley, Nole, Maurice, Kathlene's husband, and the list just continues longer than anyone realizes) friends who listen to all my stories, laugh at me mercilessly, and give me their two cents, whether I use their advice or not I am saving it & really raking up the bucks in my Piggy Bank of Life. I also have to give a shout to everyone on my blogroll because, I do read all your blogs and if you're blog existed before mine, you inspired me in someway to create Gertie's story.

Now let's get down to business, after accepting my lovely award, known as the

Liebster Blog Award. According to our dear friend Lainey over at Lainey's Life Lessons it is really an award bloggers give to one another to increase readership. To be eligible one must have less than 200 public followers, I definitely qualify. In the beginning I wanted to keep my readers down because of anonymity but to hell with it, I am Gertie!!, beware of my hammer! I am obligated after receiving this award to give it to 5 oops I mean 6 other bloggers who meet the parameters of blog I follow with intriguing posts & less than 200 followers. (I chose 6 because Lainey only chose 2 and I am sure she won't mind me swiping her extra pick, I had hard choices to make) I must also shamelessly plug the person who gave the award to me. Have I mentioned how awesome I think Lainey is?

Rule #1 Link back to the person who gave you this award.

Check out Lainey over at Lainey's Life Lessons to find out more about the important lessons learned she as an adventurous heroine provide, her posts include witty insight and colorful imagery as she goes along this road called life in her energy efficient vehicle. Lainey is a member of my friendamily(check out her comments on this blog for the definition) so her insight and lessons are always appreciated. My favorite post of hers can be found here, in it she reminds all of us who the most important player on our team is. I am thankful to be a benchwarmer on her friend roster.

Rule#2 Choose deserving bloggers and alert them to their award winning status.

This I think is the most fun part of the blog award because I am positive that most of these bloggers don't know how inspirational they are to Gertie, aka moi!

And the winners in no particular order are.........

1. The Gamma Girls at Doing the District -
The composite cast that makes up the authors of Doing the District are amongst the first blogs I started reading as a Single Girl. It all started with Kate and from her blog I found so many inspirational authors that eventually made up the Gamma Girls themselves. Kate also introduced me to other authors on this list and in the honorable mention section. If you are young, fun, and about town in the DMV you need to check out this blog, they tell you where to brunch, cocktail, how to be on the same page, and most importantly where to get waxed. Thanks Ladies for all the Good Times!

Two girls one blog and hilarity ensue. I really read this blog because kissing can sometimes lead to social disasters for me. But I kept reading because their stories are easily related to and are stories I am using to hearing from friends. My favorite post of theirs this month is K's Valentine's Day post. A has been slightly on hiatus since August but I hope she blogs more regularly soon, my favorite part of her posts are the descriptions of OK Cupid. Although they are generally funny, it's what convinced me to try that dating site.

3. Matt at Third Date Cooking-
If only more men would put so much thought and preparation into cooking for a date. I love his tips and have used them on a few of my dates. :) I hope he makes it to Chopped, I would love to see him cook on Food Network. You'll generally enjoy his recipes and his Question polls are insightful.

4.Diane Elizabeth at Hill House Handmade -
Diane is one crafty Momma, she gives tips to sewing, points to other craft blogs, and makes ingenious gifts for those lucky enough to be part of her life. She has some great ideas for being thrifty. I love her reverence for the past and homemade things, sometimes when I read her blog it remind me of my Nana and doing craft projects with her as a kid. She inspired me (through this blog)to buy a sewing machine and start to create again, too bad the only things I have sewn have been for my pup....ooops I just realized Gertie has revealed she has a dog. You learn something new everyday.

This brave Superhero is a special friend who is starting a journey to be the best self he can be. Gertie supports being one's best self and encourages you to send him some love in the blog universe as he travels on his path to Greatness!

6. Ryan Beaumont at
Confession Gertie read blogs about AM mainly because she was first curious about the sensation and then she found Ryan's blog. He posts recipes, stories from the female perspective, and is just generally a good time. He is like the Meatballs from the Jersey Shore, a blast in a blog! It also helps to see how the male mind works, the way Ryan writes about AM it's not too far off from dating. All men are really about the pursuit of the cookie. Kudos to Ryan for introducing me to Riff Dog.

On a separate note some of my favorite blogs have more than 200 followers, have become private, been removed, or become defunct after giving me inspiration, have already been nominated, didn't fit in my nominations because I only got five,so check out my blogroll to sneak a peek at who they might be. I am also going to award Honorable Mention to people who may now be out of the running for those reasons.

1. Kate at A Single Girl Doing Single Things she was the first blog I followed upon entering this round of singledom, when her blog ended it inspired me to pick up the hammer for single girls everywhere and share more stories.
2. King of Hearts, although his blog has gone private, I read it and followed before he came off the public market.
3. Elle at Sex and the Shitty she has more than 200 followers because she is awesome, eliminating her nomination from this award. I definitely love all her posts, she's hysterical. She is the catalyst that lead me to Ryan's blog
4. Riff at Ashley and Me for teaching me how the mind of Dogs work, sorry to see you leave us too soon. I really enjoyed the simple insight into mens minds and how they view seduction.
5. SweetVix2003 at Growing Round, who was already nominated by Lainey
6. Alison at Oh My Vera, who doesn't like to learn about sales on Vera Bradley and their ever changing color palette? Alison has more than 200 followers or she would have made the list, but I still suggest you check it out.

Rule#3 Post the award on your blog and share the fun!
Hope you can build you're reading list and in the meantime.......

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Gertie throws hammers at Southern boys....Part 1

There's something very special to Gertie's heart about a Southern Man, they are definitely a Target she likes to Spear. It could be that her father is from the South, that the drawl intrigues her, that their charm is so alluring, or that most Southern men believe Chivalry is not dead.

So in this Single life Gertie has dated two significant Southern Charmers, she threw the hammer at one of them but he keeps coming back for more and the other one has run for the hills.

The initial Southern Gentleman was called Cazador, maybe it was his flair for taking me to the Mexican place around the street from his house or that he used to flirt with me in Spanish. He was a charming gent, six months younger than me, a former college football player, and an embellisher when it came to his height. We went on several dates, ok we dated for a few months. He had a lot of positives so it took a little longer for the hammer to be thrown. But the interesting note to this story is that he had a memory problem. He had a TBI and his short term memory wasn't always on par. I thought it was a valid excuse, a google search revealed he really had been in a car accident. He wasn't affected mentally because he was going to grad school and working in Politics. It was a spring affair that had me enjoying the town. He occasionally forgot we had plans but he never really stood me up.

But he did forgot to tell me his mother had summoned him home after graduation. She had found him a state job where he was from and if he wanted to stay up North he had to beat the job offer. The recession was in swing and finding jobs can be hard with the overabundance of politicos in the area. He ended up moving, he promised he would come back and visit and he wanted to pursue the long distance thing. I contemplated long distance it's not really Gertie's style, but maybe it could work. But as he was packing and the move was on the horizon I noticed that sometimes his lapse memory was covering for lies. See boys and girls if you really forget we have plans that is one thing, but if you use your TBI to lie, it is quite another scenario.

Gertie threw the hammer at him when on a weekend visit before he left he went out with his boys and told her he was home sick. Gertie understands bros before hoes, so there was no need to lie. If you lie about something of so little importance what would keep you from lying about something when it really matters? Gertie threw a hammer at the Southern charmer and sent his broken heart packing deep into the South.

Every year on holidays and in the spring time for years, the Cazador calls/texts Gertie. When she wasn't single he would still invite her to dinner every time he was in town. Generally she would respond with sure if you don't mind if I bring my boyfriend. It had been a while since she had heard from him and this Thanksgiving she got a text that made her smile. The Cazador wished her Happy Thanksgiving, she returned the text and he followed with,"Are you Single?" Did you know Thanksgiving was the booty-text holiday, well for Gertie it is. Gertie was sipping wine with friends and so she exchanged a few more texts with Cazador. Through the course of the evening she found out he had left his home state and was now in the ATL. Drunk from the wine google revealed he had a blog, a twitter, and a baby mama. Yes he had told her he had a child but he wasn't with the mom, but Gertie still had to confirm.

Cazador texted Gertie over much of the holiday season. Some of the texts were humorous, some included photos, one included a blow up doll. Gertie wondered how a man who forgot so much short term could have Gertie on his mind. He professed that he had loved the way Gertie made him feel, after all these years he still was drawn to her like a moth to the flame. Corny I know but it was a nice reminder for Gertie who had gone on a date with someone who told her that she had too much masculine energy. She was happy to be reminded that she really did create an experience for the men she had a relationship with. Feminine energy can sometimes be defined as passive, receptive, gentle, and nurturing but it can have immensely powerful to be so light, receptive, and irresistible. Besides who doesn't like being swept off their feet, by an incredibly masculine man?

Getting back to the Cazador although the flirtation was a nice reminder of how irresistible she was to boys, Gertie again had to throw the hammer at the Cazador. She knew that she wasn't the only ex-love that he was texting and she still isn't into long distance love.. But on holidays or when spring blooms she will look forward to the reminder that she is incredibly irresistible to at least one of the Southern Charmers she has encountered in her life.

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Gertie is having fun (Number 6 lives on)

There will be a few juicy posts on the horizon....I have been working on my post about Southern Gentleman and I think I owe you a post about Moving Targets. I will post about one of these topics by the end of this week. There has been a lull in the dating waters this weekend

I decided not to reschedule the single Dad. I just wasn't feeling the interest because of his cancellation. I don't know if I really believe there was something wrong with his kid. I believe that he is a player. His texts are slightly annoying. I tried to cut him loose and told him that we couldn't reschedule because I met someone and wanted to see where it goes. By the way the best line ever to use on a single suitor, try it, it never fails. He said he would be in contact in two weeks, Gertie hopes he forgets.

But back to the subject at hand, having fun. Gertie continued this weekend by having fun, maybe a little too much fun with Greg, remember him?(aka No. 6 -) There was pizza, a movie, and a lot of making out on this long weekend. Sometimes a little fun can lead to a great time, and that is all Gertie is currently revealing. Although he is quite handsome, funny, and makes Gertie melt with a kiss, it's mainly a lustful attraction

Gertie does have a couple targets in her sights the top contenders are a a fiery Red Head and a Sweet Nerdy gamer. Oh how Gertie loves those nerds! What numbers will these prospects end up being, only time will tell. Until later this week...........

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Gertie & Number 6

I just got home from a date with Greg(aka No.6.) How seriously do we take second dates? If someone makes you laugh, you have a great time, and you want more when they kiss you, is that enough? Should you be qualifying the buyer on the second date?

I drank beers and laughed at a local beer garden. Gertie drinking happens often at Happy Hour but Gertie drinking beer is rare. Greg is super open and shares all sorts of information about himself, when Gertie asks but I don't feel like he asked alot about her. Gertie felt like she asked alot of questions, but she wonders if she monopolized the conversation.

Greg sure is funny, charming, and sweet! We walked around the downtown area after cocktails. He kept putting his arm around me and there was a lot of flirty touching. I'm not sure that Greg is Mr. Right but he is sure is alot of fun as Mr. Right Now.

Number 6 down, 13 more Types To Go!!
Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Update on All Gertie Wants for Christmas

Dear Santa,

It's Valentine's Day a day that is hallowed to singles everywhere and I have yet to receive my gift of a man who adores me. I understand that my request was a tall handsome order, that is not easily filled. So Santa, if you need more time could you please coordinate with the Easter bunny. A handsome gentleman in lieu of an Easter basket would work for me as well.

Sometimes if you're Bad you get something Good,
Gertie xoxo

Monday, February 13, 2012

Gertie goes on dates and throws no hammers!

Gertie had three dates this week with three different boys....still to be determined if any of them are men that should be speared and targeted.

Date #1
Gertie went on another date with shirtless wonder. I know I said I'm not sure if I'm his style and it was probably more like friends hanging out then a date, but alas we keep in touch. I'm not giving him a number in the lineup of New Years Resolutions because I am not sure it's more than friends in his opinion. He is going away for a while and when he returns if we do go on a real date then I will assign him a number in the Resolutions field. But for now just know that Gertie didn't abandon this little lump of coal.
Gertie met his dog, saw his house, and they email/text daily. They talk about their lives, the shows they like in common, and they trade dating advice. Well rather Gertie tells him about her dates and proffers advice to him about going on more. Gertie ******THIS BLOG HAS BEEN ALTERED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY, MAINLY ME******* so please don't get the idea that this is heading anywhere, he's still working on finding himself. But for all the wonderful advice and hysteria my friends put up with, I thought I got put a little good karma back into the world. More than that, it can never hurt to have another friend, especially such a sparkler.

Date #2 The Date with the Single Dad(Aka Number 5).....or the to be continued date as it were.
Exchanging emails and now texts with my new batphone I ended up agreeing to a date with a Single Dad. He seemed very nice and Gertie who often is somewhat commitment phobic was shocked by some of questions when exchanging emails. Her friend,Maria ,let her know that he was really just looking for a relationship and that's why his questions were slightly invasive. Single Dad had two girls both under 10, a questionable job, and he had never been married. The questionable job came in because he said he was in merchandising and was slightly vague about it. Maria & Kelley (two of Gertie's best friends) decided that merchandising was a code name for Drug Dealer. Not wanting to date a drug dealer, Gertie decided that Single Dad should disclose what merchandising meant. Turned out it was harmless and could also qualify him to be a Number 6, but hey we just keep swimming in 2012. Gertie and Single Dad decided they would go to dinner on Saturday night. Single Dad is very into texting, calling, and keeping in touch, quite a comparison for Gertie's dates of late. He texted Friday how excited he was to meet her. He texted Saturday morning asking about her day. He was just generally very attentive. The time came for their date and while en route Gertie figured she might be a few minutes late (Gertie tends to run a few minutes late in general.) She texted Single Dad and told him that she would be delayed, she got the response me too. Arriving at ten minutes after the agreed upon time at Asian restaurant. Gertie texted Single Dad to see if he had arrived, no response. She got a table to the right of the door so she could see people as they arrive. No single dad. Thirty minutes after she arrived she finished her green tea, paid her tab, and left.

Ten minutes later a text arrived from Single Dad asking if I was still there, apologizing, and saying there was a kid emergency. I responded I had left and no worries, it happens. He said his child had fallen and hit their head. He apologized for letting me know what was going on. Two phone apologies and five texts later, I actually believed that he hadn't stood me up on purpose. If the schedule permits Gertie might be giving him another shot. No hammers thrown yet.....Besides you got to give props to Single Dad for taking good care of his kids.

Date#3 The Date with The Guy whose Job you might not be in love with (Aka Number 6) His name is Greg and despite Gertie's preference for the older gentleman he is a year younger than our adventurous heroine. We really are breaking down all the type molds this year. Greg is not Gertie's normal type he is a little different. Although still a nerd, they exchanged emails and she laughed about his love of Street Fighter II a game she loved playing with her little brother when he was a kid. Greg was impressed she knew the characters names and their special moves. They agreed to an impromptu date of Sips and Apps because they were having alot of fun chatting on Gtalk and Gertie felt there was something worth exploring. Literally she decided hours before she met him that it was going to happen. She had expected to stay an hour and she ended up staying 2.5 hours. Gertie laughed alot and had a lot of fun. On discussion with Noel, another of Gertie's inner circle, it was decided that fun was what Gertie really needed. A miraculous thing happened at the end of the date with Greg, Gertie abandoned her social awkwardness, it had momentarily(or hopefully longer) disappeared. When he walked her to the car, he kissed her and shockingly she went with it and kissed him back. Driving home she wondered if he was that good of a kisser, what other skills could he have. She was also impressed that there had be an exceptional kiss because apparently our heroine is on a path to breaking the Rules, lol.

In conclusion 2 out of 3 successful dates for the weekend ain't bad and our heroine is back on the horse!

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Updated Rules Targets and Dates so far in 2012

Mid month every month from here on in I will update if necessary my rules and targets, and I will also post how many of the guys from my post in dating in 2012 I have given dates.

Here are the original Rules and Targets and here is the Revised Version(Updates are in bold):

Rules for Dating by Gertie:
1. Give everyone who asks a first date, they will all teach you something.
2. Google everyone before you're first date make sure they aren't a serial killer and their story checks out. (Mandatory, do not stray from this rule)
3. Give everyone that makes you laugh a second date, when you're old laughter will ma
tter more than you know.
4. Give everyone your Google Voice number, shield your actual cell phone number. (Ye
s my friends Gertie got a batphone!!)
5. Have an email address exclusively for online dating, don't link that email to anything else in your life.
6. Only give third dates to men who make you feel butterflies, no need to waste time.
7. Kissing on a first date is the exceptio
n not the rule.
(But sometimes kissing on the first date is exceptional)

8. See a man's place before you every invite him to yours.
9. Bring enough cash on a date to roll out if the need arises. (Great rule - Thanks Dad!)
10. Honesty is a paramount quality, watch ou
t for inconsistencies.

Male Targets:
1. Tall men who reach the top shelf - remember to subtract two inches from a listed height on an online dating profile.
2. Broad Men who give Great Hugs; subjective but necessary
3. Someone who doesn't want to hang out everyday, but who wants to hangout a few times a week.
4. Someone who is awesome and has friends that are awesome, bonus points if your friends would mesh well with my friends.
5. Someone who knows there way around a kitchen, bar, or a pantry. I like Men who can cook, bake, and especially craft an interesting cocktail or two.
6. Gentleman who remember the little things, without being asked and care about your well being.
7. Someone who makes you laugh, the type of laughter that explodes throughout your entire body.
8. Someone who loves their mom, sister, women in their life but in a healthy well adjusted way.
9. A Great Communicator.
10. Someone who likes to eat cake, and other applicable cake skills.

Status on the 17 Guys to Date in 2012 (even if their dates haven't been blogged about, yet!)
Dates Accomplished
(***UPDATE:The same guy can only count under 1 of the 17 types even though he may qualify under multiple categories.***)

5. The Single Dad Who’s Ready To Find Love Again.
Having shunned single dads in the past because Gertie didn't want to be an Evil Step Mother, you should resolve to at least take it into consideration. - Accomplished part way, we setup a to follow

6. The Guy Whose Job/Apartment You Might Not Love But Who Treats You Like a Princess. If he treats you like gold and you’re discounting him because of he’s a bartender who lives in studio apartment, you’re focusing on the wrong things. With the exception of him being involved in criminal activities at the bar or hiding dead bodies in his studio apartment, he is highly datable. -Well we've had two dates which fall into this category because we are really being flexible about our dates, since we have been following Rule #1. Give everyone a date who asks. Blog to follow shortly.

13. The Guy Who Loves to Cook For You. How ironic that he loves to cook for me because I love to eat. This could work. Well it didn't work out with BB&J but he fell into this category, we will count someone else in the future if it occurs.

Well I feel like that's positive ladies & gents, we're barely into the New Year and we already have 3 of the 17 types checked off the list, we will keep on swimming and update you more next month.

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Gertie throws coffee at boys


Sorry it's been a while I have been regrouping since the end of BB&J. I have been working on a blog about the Southerners, and pouring over what other dating antidotes that I will be bringing to you shortly. There are just so many funny stories.

Having put back up my profiles and made a hasty effort to populate some dates to get back out there, here is my dating story from last weekend. I'd like to start this story with a quote from Patti Stanger, a personal favorite, everyone should watch her on Bravo because Millionaire Matchmaker will make you laugh.

"Coffee is cheap. Drinks are an audition. Lunch is an interview. Dinner means business...the business of romance"

I rarely if ever accept coffee dates. I don't mind lunch because sometimes it fits better in the schedule and maybe there is an activity thrown around it. But I don't drink coffee, I drink Green Tea and generally not in coffee shops on first dates.

Arriving at the centrally located coffee shop between me and my perspective suitor. Let's call him Jack, it's a harmless name. I arrived and he was seated with his coffee, but he walked over to meet me and paid for my tea. This was nice and unexpected gesture because generally if I were to go to coffee, men don't really pay for your drink. Previous coffee experiences have shown that each party purchase their own refreshment, but Jack started the date being a gentleman.

I mentioned that this date was hastily planned after recently plunging back in. I had not exchanged actual email information with Jack, I didn't know his last name, I didn't really know much more than his profile proffered and that he wanted to meet quickly and see if we clicked. Note to readers: Gertie broke her Rules and these were the consequences...

We had a twenty minute of chit chat learning more about each other. He lived about twenty minutes away from Gertie. He had bad boy tattoos which seemed incredibly hot at the time. He enjoyed similar interests. He talked alot about things he liked and he was a little forward, but sometimes that is charming. He seemed confident, well put together, and Gertie was really enjoying the date. He asked if she would like to have dinner sometime and she agreed.

And then Jack drops the bomb, he just wants to be clear about what he is looking for. (Good being on the same page is important) He is looking for a girlfriend (seems reasonable), he wants someone to have dinners, spend time, romance but that's as far as it can go because he isn't looking for a serious commitment. (Well we're not really on the same page long term, but ok.....) Because he is MARRIED!!! (WTF) He is not looking to change anything about his situation he is just looking for someone to have a meaningful relationship with...(ABORT!! Did I meet this guy on Ashley Madison?? I wasn't aware I was looking to be the other woman)

I thought my head was going to implode, I considered throwing my tea across the table. I wondered if it was hot enough to scald him and possibly leave a mark. Then he would owe his poor wife an explanation and maybe he would get caught. I think he saw the look of horror on my face, his chair scooted back slightly from the table. He started to proffer some explanation. I cut him off, I had some questions of my own. I asked him if we had met on an online dating sight for singles? My follow up question was what about my profile lead you to believe I was interested in being a Mistress? Before there was an answer I asked him if he had heard of Ashley Madison, because that was a more appropriate place for his needs. I told him never to contact me again slammed my tea on the table and insulted him on the way out. If only I had been equipped with an actual hammer.

Later that night I reported his profile to the online dating site. Previous efforts have shown Gertie, thanks to a very close friend that sometimes perusing Ashley Madison isn't a bad idea. Not to find a date but to disqualify perspective suitors. You'd be surprised how many people purporting as singles on traditional dating sites are really Jack-assess!

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

P.s. Don't worry Gertie has alot more posts coming because this weekend was full of dates. :)

Sunday, February 5, 2012

The End of BBJ - Throwing Hammers at Boys who Ghost

And even as I blogged about the beginning a few weeks ago I knew it was coming to an end....
Isn't that how it always is? So BB&J and I had a fun fall and I thank him for the holiday spirit, but as we round the corner from Groundhog's Day to Singles Awareness Day it is officially true he has bit the dust.

Turns out BB&J was single because he can't maintain communication. He is the consummate texter and he rarely calls. I tried to bring it up and I thought it was worked through. Then one day a few weeks ago while on the phone I was discussing our plans for the weekend. They were going to be preempted because I had found out my parents would be unexpectantly in town. I casually mentioned it to him on the phone but clearly stated he didn't have to hang out with them unless he wanted to meet them. It just limited my availability for the weekend. He acted a bit like a boy on the phone, we had plans to meet later, he had a headache, he said he would call.....and then he ghosted me. He ghosted me through the entire weekend my parents were here, a few texts but no returned calls. He ghosted me because Paterno died, he got stuck in traffic, he was busy at work. I was a little fed up, I sent a terse text telling him this was not cutting the mustard.

He apologized through text but plans didn't really work out and his chivalry and my interest waned. We had been seeing each other since Fall and it is clearly winter. If you have no interest in meeting my parents that's ok if it scares you, it's too soon, but you have to be a man and cop to it and it makes me evaluate your potential differently.

There was a possibility it could have worked out if Gertie wouldn't have been so vocal about the mustard not cutting it and excepted the poorly made sandwich. But Gertie brings her best cupcakes to the table so she expects the gourmet fare to be reciprocated and yellow mustard is just not her style. She sent a scathing email to the texter to illicit everything that wouldn't fit in a text. She threw a hammer that defined exactly why this boy was still in the single pond. Her friend suggested she should sign the email this is why you will die single and alone, but Gertie resisted no need to spell out the inevitable to a dying man.

Watch out for Hammers,

Gertie xoxo