His online profile looked like he was wearing a zoot suit and a pimp hat, it looked like a creative Halloween costume. When he winked at me it was almost as if I couldn't look away but actually he also had the most mesmerizing eyes. We'll call him The Dancer, he had CMAM, but his light sense of humor and geeky likes were the real draw for our heroine. Email exchanges were addicting and sometimes at all hours of the night. It was a quick discourse before we decided to meet for dinner. I think we had maybe talked for three days, he just had a quality about him.
Upon meeting at dinner he told Gertie about his most recent breakup and in fact it seemed like a sad story. He moved from the South to escape the trauma that broke his heart and give himself a fresh start. The conversation was free flowing and he remarked that he normally had a harder time opening up to people but felt so relaxed with Gertie. There is an innate quality our heroine possesses in which people tell her things about themselves they normally don't share with people they just met. Sometimes it helps her build friendships quickly with people but in terms of dating it actually makes men reveal the flaws way too soon. It's both a blessing and a curse simultaneously.
The Dancer and I had several fun dates we went to a Renaissance Fair, where he wore an eye patch because he thought Gertie was hot for pirates. It was joke a passing but his ability to really play a role was admirable. There was dancing in public and private and he even showed Gertie his infamous move, The Stanky Leg, have you seen this dance? It's from a few years ago but seriously it makes me laugh.
He was charming, chivalrous, and had an interesting relationship with his Mom. He didn't really know how to cook or clean for himself but he paid for a maid and Gertie doesn't mind cooking occasionally. However as things progressed he started talking about his failed relationship, it seemed like he was looking for a housewife. His ex hadn't worked and had stayed at home and been a homemaker despite the fact they had no kids. He revealed that a major source of discontent in their relationship was he didn't like her cookies. She thought they were award winning and he had to tell her the truth, they just could not compare to his mother's.......
We were having alot of fun but occasionally he would be distant or delay plans because a new video game was released. Now I like a good source of entertainment as much as the next girl, but falling behind on projects and calling out of work because Arkham Asylum was released isn't really my idea of adult behavior. I can look past this if I am not your boss, but it makes me evaluate your long term potential. However because of his cute Southern drawl and his proclivity for holding hands in public I looked past the childish ways, until.....
One day in casual conversation he revealed his dealbreakers, I think my response to this conversation really threw the final hammer. After this conversation we really didn't see each other much and the relationship really waned. At first I didn't know if this upset me but upon further pondering I am glad I threw this hammer. He was a huge Auburn fan apparently his Dad taught there before he passed. He was adamant that any offspring he had should attend there. Gertie likes to banter so I jokingly said what if they wanted to study something that Auburn wasn't a leader in and their studies would be enhanced by attending University XYZ. He responded that he wouldn't allow it. He had very firm beliefs on University preference to an alarming way. He said he would disown a child who went to another school. I thought he was joking, alas he was not. He was listed as Agnostic online, so I thought he didn't have strong religious views. Apparently he was very intent on his imaginary future children having no religious exposure because he thought it scarred him in his youth. He also didn't want them to know about Santa. This man played video games and had a million childlike qualities and he wanted to deny his children Old St Nick, bah humbug. The meringue on the pie of it all was that apparently he was in love with Butterscotch pie, it's not a pudding pie it's more complex than that and involves cream of tartar. A contributing reason to his disappointment with his ex was that she couldn't make his mother's famous pie. Despite the fact she tried for two years it really wasn't close so he was glad their relationship didn't work out. In the future his foremost dealbreaker was that whomever he was with could make this Butterscotch pie, because it just wasn't Christmas without it. I was confused he didn't want kids to have presents, but he wanted pie? The hypocrisy not to mention as all of us Ladies know you'll never really make anything as good as a Man's Momma. Why would you have such unrealistic expectations for the ones you love? How controlling could he be? Chivalry is about courtesy, honor, bravery, and generosity I was beginning to reevaluate how many of these qualities he had. Was he looking for love or indentured servitude, Gertie really wasn't sure.
Did I mention he was into Vampire LARP, I think it adds a dimension to the story. Gertie isn't for or against larping she thinks people should do what entertains them and makes them smile. Gertie acknowledges that people who want others to look openly on their lifestyle choices should just too harshly of others. The Dancer just didn't feel the same,and just as easily he flitted into her life he faded away.....as he leapt from the flying hammer!
Watch out for Hammers,