Too Fast, Too Soon

I have been thinking a lot recently about things I may have done hastily in the past. I wonder if not weighing my options and committing too soon has brought me to this place where I am now, aka The Singleverse. I don't really think I was settling before, but I think I was a little quick to" jump all in, "as it were. Don't get me wrong, as I recently posted, I am loving my single life. However it's very easy for me to fall into a relationship. It's something that just comes naturally to me, and in the past, I would just go with it. Is this because I am a secret romantic? Am I just too loveable? Or is it the men I date? Nowadays, I have been making every attempt to keep relationships at bay, at times being distant or acting quite like a commitment phobe. I don't always think it's because the person doesn't have potential, I know it is because of my past.

Keeping in mind that I play a hand in the way things fall out, I wanted to think about the other people involved in these jump started relationships. I thought about the type of men I date who like to jump the gun and go all in, right out of the starting gates. I read an interesting article that said this happens because people are not out of love with their ex. Now in this article, a wife writes about how her husband asked her to move in with him after three weeks of dating. This author declined because she recognized this could be settling. Eventually they did end up together. But because he was right for her, declining the initial invitation merely wounded him a bit. The decline did not end their relationship. Being honest really helped them grow into something that was meant to be. I have had some dates where I was scared by people who fit the scenario, of still being in love with their ex. Overall however, this is generally not the brush that Gertie's relationship history is painted with.

Now our heroine doesn't move in with people after three weeks, although she has seen relationships flourish where that did happen. Gertie acknowledges it can work out in the long run for some people. Our heroine's issue is that she seems to like nice guys who may not be everyone's cup of tea. To be brutally honest, I have been told by quite a few of my friends I have ugly goggles. If you're handsome on the inside and questionable on the outside, I probably think you are hot. I often date guys whom others may have not given a chance, sometimes these guys haven't had a girlfriend in a while, or Gertie could be the cutest girl who has ever given them a date. Now don't get confused and think that I am running around thinking I am the hotness. This is not my point. Evaluating people on more than just what their physical appearance portrays is my character flaw. I am more of a Chubby Man with Animal Magnetism type girl. CMAM as it is abbreviated, goes along way with Gertie. I like nerds, nice guys, assholes with hearts of gold, atypical stud muffins, men with quirks; those are my guys.

Back to the subject at hand, I find myself at this Crux often when it comes to dating. When in the point of dating/early relationship does exclusivity become vital? How am I supposed to know within a few dates if someone is the one? IF I left it up to the men I went on dates with, I wouldn't have had a singleversary. In fact I would still be dating the Virgin, or the Lawyer, or Number 6 if I left exclusivity be the men in my life's decision.

I know that people assert that when it's the one, you know. Although I must assert, that I am confused at times.Twice in my life I have been in LT relationships where I jumped all in and that didn't end up being true. I know find myself like a fully clothed girl sticking her toe in the swimming pool. Even if the water is tempid, I just don't want to put on my suit and jump all in. And even if you want to wait because you're scared, unsure, frightened to be hurt again wouldn't the right guy really wait for you?

I went to a movie with some girlfriends this past weekend, Ok some of the girlfriends flaked but an amazing one showed up. It's a friend who I know is always honest and quite the straight shooter. We don't see each other often but she always asks if there are men in my life. My response was that there was but I was hesitant about him, she stared at me and said, "With your track record, I can see why." She was right, I have been burned. The expression goes fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. But really at this point, if Gertie goes all in a third time in the game of love she just becomes a fool. Even when writing this blog, often I wait to write about dates because I am scared I might jinx something that is budding in my midst. Most often you hear about the laughs once the guys are on their way out the door, and running from my hammer.

Therefore I am now instituting a 10 date rule, to be followed from this point forward. See Rule #12. Gertie will not be exclusive with anyone until after at least 10 dates. Caveat to this rule, if dates accrue quickly Gertie relents to being tied down until after 90 days. Gertie will inform suitors of this rule and they can take it or leave it. It's not that our girl is trying to be a player, it's just that her heart can't handle being played for a fool when it comes to love.

Do you agree with the 10 date rule? Do you think 90 days is too long to make a decision about exclusivity? In your life did you always know immediately without any hesitation when you met the one? I have put down my hammer and am now accepting comments, so don't be scared to share your actual thoughts.

For your listening enjoyment a song that reminded me of men in general:


Until next time,
Gertie XoXo

Santa Claus is coming to Town

So when I wrote my letter to Santa I had no idea his response would include sending me a younger version of himself to my online dating inbox. But I have never been so happier to be the recepient of Ginger Mail.

As an aside Gertie has an obsession with gingers. She comes to it from an honest place, hailing from a clan with ginger heritage. She occasionally dabbles in dye to assimilate herself to her redheaded ways. Naturally she has copper top highlights so she can get away with bridging the ginger gap in fall. She has a redheaded father and if one day she happened to have red haired progeny her life would be complete. Preferably a red haired lass a la the photo or Pippi Lockstocking or Ginny Weasley. So finding a ginger to mate with would really make her dreams come true.

Now let me tell you about Young Santa, we have yet to meet in person but he seems to be a prime contender. He is funny smary and headed to a venue near me. Currently residing on the left coast this online dater transferred his profile's zip code before he started his transit. He and Gertie have exchanged some emails and he seems positively charming. Slightly shorter in stature than we would prefer he seems like the honest type so we won't subtract two inches based primarily on his chromosome.

Young Santa has CMAM but he also has a funny kayaking photo with his sister. He seems well traveled and is apparently headed to town for work. His interesting ability to self photo and rock a pink shirt initially drew Gertie to respond to his online flirtations. In a town with so many men to choose from it seems exciting to get first dibs at fresh meat. Maybe all Gertie needs is a little left coast Santa in her life.

Maybe it's true that good things come to those who wait, and perhaps extending Santa's deadline to Easter is working in my favor.

To be Continued....Or at least that's what we hope :)

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Special Preview: Gertie will be hosting a guest post from a single friend this week. It will be interesting to see whether said friend will be wielding a hammer or a spear at the end of her date.

Gertie throws hammers at Southern boys....Part 2

As previously discussed in a recent Southern Boys Part 1, Gertie has a soft spot for Southern gentlemen and sometimes she lets those Southern goggles effects her reflexes when it comes to throwing the hammer, especially when the charmer had twinkle toes.

His online profile looked like he was wearing a zoot suit and a pimp hat, it looked like a creative Halloween costume. When he winked at me it was almost as if I couldn't look away but actually he also had the most mesmerizing eyes. We'll call him The Dancer, he had CMAM, but his light sense of humor and geeky likes were the real draw for our heroine. Email exchanges were addicting and sometimes at all hours of the night. It was a quick discourse before we decided to meet for dinner. I think we had maybe talked for three days, he just had a quality about him.

Upon meeting at dinner he told Gertie about his most recent breakup and in fact it seemed like a sad story. He moved from the South to escape the trauma that broke his heart and give himself a fresh start. The conversation was free flowing and he remarked that he normally had a harder time opening up to people but felt so relaxed with Gertie. There is an innate quality our heroine possesses in which people tell her things about themselves they normally don't share with people they just met. Sometimes it helps her build friendships quickly with people but in terms of dating it actually makes men reveal the flaws way too soon. It's both a blessing and a curse simultaneously.

The Dancer and I had several fun dates we went to a Renaissance Fair, where he wore an eye patch because he thought Gertie was hot for pirates. It was joke a passing but his ability to really play a role was admirable. There was dancing in public and private and he even showed Gertie his infamous move, The Stanky Leg, have you seen this dance? It's from a few years ago but seriously it makes me laugh.



He was charming, chivalrous, and had an interesting relationship with his Mom. He didn't really know how to cook or clean for himself but he paid for a maid and Gertie doesn't mind cooking occasionally. However as things progressed he started talking about his failed relationship, it seemed like he was looking for a housewife. His ex hadn't worked and had stayed at home and been a homemaker despite the fact they had no kids. He revealed that a major source of discontent in their relationship was he didn't like her cookies. She thought they were award winning and he had to tell her the truth, they just could not compare to his mother's.......

We were having alot of fun but occasionally he would be distant or delay plans because a new video game was released. Now I like a good source of entertainment as much as the next girl, but falling behind on projects and calling out of work because Arkham Asylum was released isn't really my idea of adult behavior. I can look past this if I am not your boss, but it makes me evaluate your long term potential. However because of his cute Southern drawl and his proclivity for holding hands in public I looked past the childish ways, until.....

One day in casual conversation he revealed his dealbreakers, I think my response to this conversation really threw the final hammer. After this conversation we really didn't see each other much and the relationship really waned. At first I didn't know if this upset me but upon further pondering I am glad I threw this hammer. He was a huge Auburn fan apparently his Dad taught there before he passed. He was adamant that any offspring he had should attend there. Gertie likes to banter so I jokingly said what if they wanted to study something that Auburn wasn't a leader in and their studies would be enhanced by attending University XYZ. He responded that he wouldn't allow it. He had very firm beliefs on University preference to an alarming way. He said he would disown a child who went to another school. I thought he was joking, alas he was not. He was listed as Agnostic online, so I thought he didn't have strong religious views. Apparently he was very intent on his imaginary future children having no religious exposure because he thought it scarred him in his youth. He also didn't want them to know about Santa. This man played video games and had a million childlike qualities and he wanted to deny his children Old St Nick, bah humbug. The meringue on the pie of it all was that apparently he was in love with Butterscotch pie, it's not a pudding pie it's more complex than that and involves cream of tartar. A contributing reason to his disappointment with his ex was that she couldn't make his mother's famous pie. Despite the fact she tried for two years it really wasn't close so he was glad their relationship didn't work out. In the future his foremost dealbreaker was that whomever he was with could make this Butterscotch pie, because it just wasn't Christmas without it. I was confused he didn't want kids to have presents, but he wanted pie? The hypocrisy not to mention as all of us Ladies know you'll never really make anything as good as a Man's Momma. Why would you have such unrealistic expectations for the ones you love? How controlling could he be? Chivalry is about courtesy, honor, bravery, and generosity I was beginning to reevaluate how many of these qualities he had. Was he looking for love or indentured servitude, Gertie really wasn't sure.


Did I mention he was into Vampire LARP, I think it adds a dimension to the story. Gertie isn't for or against larping she thinks people should do what entertains them and makes them smile. Gertie acknowledges that people who want others to look openly on their lifestyle choices should just too harshly of others. The Dancer just didn't feel the same,and just as easily he flitted into her life he faded away.....as he leapt from the flying hammer!

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

For your holiday enjoyment, Gertie throws hammers at boys who bring their moms on dates.

Always one to give you a good laugh before the holidays, I'd like to share now how I threw a hammer and an elbow at a boy who brought his Mom on our date.

Somewhere between the Rockstar and present day times. I exchanged emails with a gentleman whose name was Jason. Jason seemed like a nice guy, government job, CWMAM. What is CMAM you might be asking?I am always a fan of a stocky man, it leads to better hugs and an greater opportunity to steal their t-shirts to sleep in. CMAM is a term I saw used in one of those gentleman's online dating profile, it means Chubby Man Animal Magnetism. Don't be alarmed, Gertie doesn't really discriminate she likes all men with animal magnetism but she gives the chubby ones an extra gold star.

Back to Jason he was average height, had CMAM, and mid/late twenties in pictures looked like a rather good time. We exchanged quite a few emails and this was back in the times when I would talk to someone for a longer period of time before meeting on line. We decided to meet at a middle location for dinner. I was excited because this particular place had the most amazing pretzel bread and brewed their own beer. I had already instituted the no phone number in advance rule, so I knew when I arrived I would have to look around for Jason. I was also coming down with a cold, so even though I wanted to cancel I really had no way without being rude.

When I walked into the entrance I looked around and saw no CMAM, I did see two people approaching me. One of the people was a woman slightly older than my mom and the man resembled a svelte older version of Jason his dark hair now in a Roman haircut with a lot more salt than pepper.

Now I know people use outdated photos often. I try and keep mine update within the last 6-12 months. I generally try and keep them in the 6 month range but sometimes you have a great picture that stays a little longer. It's hard to keep online dating photos fresh, especially because I don't walk around taking solo pictures and I generally don't like to advertise my friends in them either.

However Jason's photos were from at least five years ago and apparently he was now an entirely different body shape, not cool.... If he was an average built guy that's what he should have advertised. So now here I am with this mislabeled man and an old woman approaching me. Jason says, "Hi, introduces himself and HIS MOM!" Now generally people's mother's love me but I don't normally meet them on first dates.

The rest of the discussion with his MOM was a bit of a blur, to be honest I was just in shock about the visual disparity, my sinus headache, and her accompanying him to a date. She was there to tell me that Jason had epilepsy (not an issue) and she had written instructions for what to do if he had an episode while we were on the date. I don't really care that he has epilepsy or that there are precautions/steps to take if something occurs. What I care about is that he didn't have the decency to tell me in our lengthy conversations and now he is just standing there while his mom lets me know about something that is an integral part of his life.

Are we in high school? I feel like we are at Homecoming or 8th grade dance before you could drive when you're parents dropped you off at dinner. In lieu of a corsage I am receiving instructions about my date. EPIC FAIL!

I stayed for dinner, I decided to give Jason a chance because maybe he didn't tell me because he thought I would decline the date. Turns out we just didn't have great chemistry, mostly because he had mislead me about his appearance with the outdated photos. Also it came up that he couldn't drive and doesn't drink. I am in no way a raging alcoholic but I like a cocktail and he said drinking bothered him because he used to binge drink in his early twenties and it exacerbated his illness. Therefore he really didn't like people to drink in front of him. He said his friends took turns driving him around however none of them were available today and thus I got to meet his mom. Oh did I mention she left shortly after we were seated.....but it was still a little to long for me.

The rest of this story is a little awkward but I'll tell you just to finish it out. Jason had to call someone for a ride after our date, although out of the way his place was only ten minutes away. Oh wait did I mention, he also mentioned he lived with his mom...actually whole family but that's an entirely different point. This was back in the days where you listed lives alone, with roomates, with family on your online dating profile. He had listed roomates....FYI your mom is not a roommate. I offered him a ride, it was raining and I didn't want to come off as cruel. EPIC FAIL!

Never ever offer men a ride home, to come to your place, or an invitation into your personal space if you know at that point the date is over. While I was driving the ten minutes down the road he started to get a little fresh with men and I had to threaten to pull over and throw him out of the car in the rain if he didn't stop. When I pulled up to drop him off he attempted to kiss me despite the fact that I had told him I had sometime of cold/flu brewing. I threw a hammer or rather my elbow and reached across to open the door of my car. Gesturing him out in the most polite fashion I could muster. I drove off quickly and hoped to never hear from him again.

When he emailed me I declined a second date and told him in the future he should probably let people know about his epilepsy pre-date and that the reason we weren't going out again was his ill regard for my personal space in the car and his outdated photos.

Fast forward almost four years and now I am single again and dating online, guess who winks at me Jason....he has the same CMAM picture which now is verging on being a decade too old. He sends me some form letter email, he must send it to all girls in a specific demographic. I respond letting him now that we have gone out before I reiterate my photo comments and wish him well. His response is that since we are both online again(again? did you ever leave?) maybe it is fate and we should go out. I decline and let him know that at 25 I really wasn't into dating boys who live with there Mom and so it is definitely not an option at 30.....Hammer thrown!


Watch out for hammers,
Gertie xoxo