Sunday, February 12, 2012

Gertie throws coffee at boys


Sorry it's been a while I have been regrouping since the end of BB&J. I have been working on a blog about the Southerners, and pouring over what other dating antidotes that I will be bringing to you shortly. There are just so many funny stories.

Having put back up my profiles and made a hasty effort to populate some dates to get back out there, here is my dating story from last weekend. I'd like to start this story with a quote from Patti Stanger, a personal favorite, everyone should watch her on Bravo because Millionaire Matchmaker will make you laugh.

"Coffee is cheap. Drinks are an audition. Lunch is an interview. Dinner means business...the business of romance"

I rarely if ever accept coffee dates. I don't mind lunch because sometimes it fits better in the schedule and maybe there is an activity thrown around it. But I don't drink coffee, I drink Green Tea and generally not in coffee shops on first dates.

Arriving at the centrally located coffee shop between me and my perspective suitor. Let's call him Jack, it's a harmless name. I arrived and he was seated with his coffee, but he walked over to meet me and paid for my tea. This was nice and unexpected gesture because generally if I were to go to coffee, men don't really pay for your drink. Previous coffee experiences have shown that each party purchase their own refreshment, but Jack started the date being a gentleman.

I mentioned that this date was hastily planned after recently plunging back in. I had not exchanged actual email information with Jack, I didn't know his last name, I didn't really know much more than his profile proffered and that he wanted to meet quickly and see if we clicked. Note to readers: Gertie broke her Rules and these were the consequences...

We had a twenty minute of chit chat learning more about each other. He lived about twenty minutes away from Gertie. He had bad boy tattoos which seemed incredibly hot at the time. He enjoyed similar interests. He talked alot about things he liked and he was a little forward, but sometimes that is charming. He seemed confident, well put together, and Gertie was really enjoying the date. He asked if she would like to have dinner sometime and she agreed.

And then Jack drops the bomb, he just wants to be clear about what he is looking for. (Good being on the same page is important) He is looking for a girlfriend (seems reasonable), he wants someone to have dinners, spend time, romance but that's as far as it can go because he isn't looking for a serious commitment. (Well we're not really on the same page long term, but ok.....) Because he is MARRIED!!! (WTF) He is not looking to change anything about his situation he is just looking for someone to have a meaningful relationship with...(ABORT!! Did I meet this guy on Ashley Madison?? I wasn't aware I was looking to be the other woman)

I thought my head was going to implode, I considered throwing my tea across the table. I wondered if it was hot enough to scald him and possibly leave a mark. Then he would owe his poor wife an explanation and maybe he would get caught. I think he saw the look of horror on my face, his chair scooted back slightly from the table. He started to proffer some explanation. I cut him off, I had some questions of my own. I asked him if we had met on an online dating sight for singles? My follow up question was what about my profile lead you to believe I was interested in being a Mistress? Before there was an answer I asked him if he had heard of Ashley Madison, because that was a more appropriate place for his needs. I told him never to contact me again slammed my tea on the table and insulted him on the way out. If only I had been equipped with an actual hammer.

Later that night I reported his profile to the online dating site. Previous efforts have shown Gertie, thanks to a very close friend that sometimes perusing Ashley Madison isn't a bad idea. Not to find a date but to disqualify perspective suitors. You'd be surprised how many people purporting as singles on traditional dating sites are really Jack-assess!

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

P.s. Don't worry Gertie has alot more posts coming because this weekend was full of dates. :)

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