Thursday, January 26, 2012

Gertie goes to the Symphony

Sorry for the hiatus daring adventurers, Gertie will endeavor not to wait so long to post in the future. Let me go back to fall now and tell you the adventure of my first few dates with Beer, Bread, and Jam guy (BB&J). His story doesn't have an ending yet so let's fill you in on the beginning details while it continues to unfold. I know he has been mentioned in a few other blogs and current thinking is that he is a Target.

The Emails:
One of the best things about online dating is when you send emails back and forth with potential Targets you can get a sense of who they are. You can tell whether they pay attention to the details from the punctuation, spelling, grammar. You can tell if they are funny from the tone inferences in their email.

The emails were fast paced, long, detailed. We talked about things we liked authors, careers, sports, food. Ah the food, Gertie is a foodie and she loves a man that knows his way around food,wine,cocktails. BB&J held the possibility of home cooked meals and fresh baked bread. Although being a nice guy isn't getting you in my pants, see previous blog, being a nice guy who cooks will put you in contention. The best part of emailing BB&J is that his interest level never waned. He had something about him that intrigued me immediately. He made funny jokes just for us which he continues to use to this day. He also asked me out on my favorite day of the week (Tuesday) for his favorite day of the week(Thursday). He said it would be his favorite day because it would be the day we met.....I know sappy but honestly I am a sucker for cute nerds.

First Date:
Gertie traveled into the city in the rain in black boots and a chic dress to meet the man who bakes bread. She agreed to go on the date with him on the condition he brought her home made jam. If you're going to tout yourself as a jam maker to this foodie, you better bring your wares.

Now BB&J definitely posted some younger photos in his profile, although they weren't entirely misleading. Have you ever met someone and felt like you had already met? Gertie felt a strange connection to BB&J upon shaking hands. She remembered feeling this way about someone once before, it was in her youth, many moons ago and so she wondered initially if BB&J reminded of her of that ex from so long ago. Gertie has never dated anyone who reminded her of an ex before. There was a Southern guy who smelled like an old boyfriend's cologne once, but that's for a future blog.

Interesting International food was enjoyed at a hole in the wall place. Gertie forgot about the similarities as they enjoyed spicy food and learned about one another. There was something about BB&J's eyes that mesmerized Gertie. Gertie was drawn to the light pools of dancing blue that sparkled as fond memories were shared. Gertie felt nervous to be so drawn to a man with light eyes, tall dark and handsome had always been her type before. Then there was a brisk walk to the Symphony. Gertie doesn't regularly attend the symphony and she thought it was an interesting first date. BB&J and Gertie sat watching the music and her mind raced. She couldn't place why BB&J was reminding her of this ex-love. It was the man who first broke her heart, did she want to have a broken heart again? Gertie felt the panic creeping into her mind but she told herself not to get lost in the moment. She sat there listening to Gershwin.

At Intermission they had conversation about their paths in life, work, and philosophies. BB&J made jokes about how the old fogies gave him questionable looks for attending the symphony in jeans but he thought they should
be happy he was there. Bringing dates and exposing the younger generation to the classics. Gertie laughed so hard it made her heart smile. The second performance went to quickly. Before she knew it they were leaving and he was walking her to the car. He walked her to her car and made sure she knew her way out of the city. There was some lingering and then a friendly hug. He had forgotten the jam, but it was a great excuse for a second date. She agreed to the number exchange. As she drove home and recounted the date to her friend she couldn't shake the feeling that she had encountered when they shook hands, it had happened again when they hugged. She told her best gal pal on the phone about the feeling, she pondered if she wanted to go down the path again. She didn't really understand what it was at the time, sometimes our heroine is so naive. Before she reached home she had a text from BB&J thanking her for a great time and saying he couldn't wait to see her again.

Second Date: And then there was Jam! There was two kinds of jam on their next encounter because she had been jipped on the first date. They were sampled by the dating committee and there were mixed reviews, one jam was savory and one jam was sweet, but the date was the best part of the night. They met for drinks and dinner at a pub Gertie had been wanting to try. There were cocktails and shared meals. There was laughter, talking, more cocktails, and then it was really late. There was an ease in the flow of the conversation. Gertie had known it was past her bedtime but laughing with BB&J didn't mind making her stay up late. He laughed at her love of all things nerdy and she wondered if that love would soon include him. Gertie wished there was a good night kiss but the excited tension that the hug brought was not lost on her. She hoped this was the beginning of many dates to come.

Subsequent Interesting Date Highlights:
There have been many interesting dates since the late fall when BB&J made his appearance on Gertie's radar. There was a time at the closing of the date when Gertie gave him a handshake when he tried to kiss her, the signature Gertie move. Also on that night Gertie blurted out No as he tried to kiss her, insert round of applause for social awkwardness award. The first time he made her dinner at his apartment she swooned because it was the cleanest adult male apartment she had ever been in. The dinner was amazing and she had a great time. When he walked her out that night while attempting to kiss her, he poked her in the eye. This is now known as the caressing the eye and jokes are made about it constantly. Subsequent visits to his apartment have revealed that he actually lives there and it's not as clean as the first impression. He has met a few of Gertie's friends and all of them liked him. BB&J plays a musical instrument so there was caroling during the holidays with his friends. Eventually Gertie realized that the feeling she got when she first shook hands with BB&J was not an actual reminder of her ex, but he was someone she felt incredibly chemistry with. You see folks it had been a long time since Gertie had shocked by a man, and that folks is why he is still a spearing Target.

There will be more to this story, ups and downs, but while we wait to unfold we will learn about the Southern Gentleman from today and from days of yore, and we might be going on a date with a Single Dad in be continued.

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Friday, January 13, 2012

I may have hit a Target and speared a Man!

So like all things in life when you start a new project or make a resolution than an unexpected twist occurs. Now I don't want to jinx anything folks but as most of you who actually know Gertie have been pointing out, I mayhaps have speared a Target.

Despite all efforts to self sabotage and a huge serving of social awkwardness I may have speared a real man. And he keeps coming back for more. There really haven't been any red flags

Let me see how many of the Targets we have hit with this one.

We will call him BB&J, because amongst his other awesome qualities he advertised himself as making Beer, Bread, and Jam and it was actually a reason that I wanted to go out with him.

BB&J is definitely tall and he didn't lie about his height (phew!) , gives great hugs, most of his friends are awesome, and all the friends I've introduced him to so far have thought he was awesome. There could be some improvement in Target 3 & 9 but that could just be because we have both had busy holiday schedules. I'm going to leave those open for now. Although he definitely knows his way around kitchen, seems to have a good relationship with his mom and female friends, and not only is he a Gentleman(to an extreme) he does make me laugh in way that makes my whole body smile. I think Ladies & Gents we may have found a keeper. I would say 8 out of 10 Targets hit and the other two leave room for improvement.

Of course we started dating right before I started this blog. I had been kevetching with all my girlfriends about dating and sharing blogs I read. I decided I would venture out and start my own and I still have lots of great stories left to tell . But of late there hasn't been any new suitors only the same BB&J and some really great times.

One of my girlfriends told Gertie at dinner this week, isn't that the way it always happens. You start something to document your projects and then the project wraps up. Well don't worry readers we aren't wrapping up any time soon because Gertie has years of dates to right about and even with a Target speared there are lots more posts to write. Heck I may even write a little more about BB&J, you never know.

Until our next blog....

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Friday, January 6, 2012

Gertie Throws Hammers at Boys who are divorced

Now before you all guffaw at the title, I am not changing my resolution to try and date a nice divorcee who understand about commitment (See #14.) I am simply stating the initial experience Gertie encountered when dipping her toe in the divorcee waters.

Let's call him the Lawyer, but really he was many things divorced, an Orioles fan, liberal, runner, DND fanatic, somewhat of a gentelman/playboy, a twitter fiend, a Comi/Game/Sci-Fi Con attendee, and he seemed like a nice guy. The reason why we threw the hammer was the character flaw that broke the camel's back.

And speaking of camels, I saw this really funny joke yesterday....come on indulge me for a minute. Do camels ever look down at their feet and say, Wow I have a vagina toe? But back to the Lawyer.

The Lawyer was tall blond with blue eyes and a devilish grin. He was an older man who probably wanted to be a playboy in his younger years but he played Dungeons and Dragons, and it was before nerds were cool. I am pretty sure he was really good at playing D&D because in the version he played now he was the moderator.....I think they call those guys the DM, but nowadays he mainly plays Pathfinder. Well now we know he is a supreme nerd, but Gertie has a soft spot for nerds, so I digress.

In his first attempt to contact me I ruled the Lawyer out because he was separated, I always think separated guys are really cheaters. Maybe I should judge less. But the lawyer was persistent and he seemed pretty articulate. I let him email me and I returned the correspondence. I waited quite a while to agree to a date. I asked him a lot of questions. I found out who he was, or at least who he portrayed himself to be online. I'm a bit of a stalker, but that's for another post. As we discovered in the Rules we should all Google our dates.

Everything checked out about his story and I agreed to meet him.

Date One:We met for dinner at a medium casual restaurant. I actually did some shopping beforehand and bought some really awesome shoes. I ended up showing him the shoes at the end of the date. He was early, had already gotten a table and met me at the door of the restaurant to escort me in. It was actually a really nice date. There's something about dating older guys, most of the time there's a little more chivalry involved. The lawyer had qualities that reminded me of a couple of my targets but he also had some red flags. Red Flag number one, he talked a lot about his soon to be ex wife. I kind of thought he was still pining for her or maybe he had some unresolved guilt. He was Catholics and sometimes Catholic guilt is a hard thing to work through. He told me about his family, life, and how he had gotten to be where he was. We had similar taste in reading and movies. He was a little more outdoorsy than Gertie. However, if it didn't bother him that I was a rustic cabin girl as opposed to pop up tent girl, I wasn't going to point it out. Before the meal was over I had agreed to go out with him again. Red Flag Number Two came after this when he told me he had lied on his profile and was actually 2 years older than his listed age, not a deal breaker (the age not the lie) but it struck me as odd. I asked him if he didn't know how to change the mistake, he did but just hadn't gotten around to it. LOL - Yeah Right! He walked me to my car and when he tried to kiss me I had this twinge. I told him I don't kiss on first dates. Now that I think about it, I am uninterested in kissing on first dates when I am generally not interested in the person but at the time I hadn't come to that realization. Note to self Gertie, trust your gut!

Date Two: We went shopping(his suggestion) I helped him pick out shoes and maybe a shirt, I can't remember. I thought it was strange but it seemed like maybe he hadn't done these things for himself in a while and appreciated the opinion. He kept offering to buy me something, but Gertie is not really into being bought. We went to dinner and then a movie. While we were waiting for the movie we walked around a scenic area close by and talked about what lead us to online dating, was it our first foray, etc. Movie was great it was an action movie, I love those! I am not scared by guns, aliens, or bad guys. Apparently men take you to those movies to comfort you and hold your hand when you're scared....Gertie missed this lesson in being Girly 101. A little disappointed I didn't jump at the scary parts, I let him hold my hand none the less. We kissed at my car and it seemed innocent. Why was this nice guy getting divorced? I had to investigate this wolf in sheep's clothing I had a feeling the Lawyer was too good to be true.

Before Date between Date Two and Three we are both out of town for vacations and such but we keep in touch. We become Facebook friends at his insistence, but I am slightly nervous about it. I don't normally let dates who aren't my boyfriend become Facebook friends. ABORT- This is a mistake ladies, take it from Gertie, this is not something to do!!! But we learn something from this mistake, fellow single adventurers so in this instance it did have some value. From being his Facebook friend we learn the Lawyer had a beautiful wife. A wife who was petite and shaped alot like our gorgeous heroine. In a way these similarities unnerved Gertie, from these Facebook discoveries Gertie had to know more about his past.

Date Three: We head to a baseball game. Gertie being an expert at investigating her Targets meets the Lawyer at his place so they can head to the game together. She doesn't go inside but she checks out the neighborhood and general ambiance. He asked if she wants to come up and see some collection or doodad before they head out, she declines but says maybe when they get back. At the game there is so much laughter, Gertie feels incredibly smitten. There is so much fun shouting for the home team, and then they win, and the Lawyer and Gertie celebrate. They walk about and decided to have dinner before heading home. Gertie forgets to ask all the questions she had wanted about his divorce because of all the fun she was having. At the end of dinner, Gertie remembers when the Lawyer mentions his soon to be ex wife and dividing property, all her curiosity returns.

On the ride home, brave Gertie bites the bullet and asks the Lawyer a few questions. Our brave heroine goes where no woman has gone before in this date, she explores the Lawyer's past.
She asks how long he was married, how lone they were together, how long they've been separated, and when will their divorce will be final? She has gotten partial answers to some of these questions before but now she explores them more substantially. Turns out that you should only ask questions that you really want the answers to. The Lawyer and his wife were together dating and married for more than a decade, they are already divorced as of this blog, but the real question that broke the camels back was the reason they were getting divorced. The Lawyer was a CHEATER!!! As nonchalantly as you would order coffee at Starbucks, the lawyer explained his past.

He cheated on his beautiful wife for their entire relationship, for the ten years they were married and for a while before they got hitched. According to him he needed more sex so he looked for it outside the relationship. Men always make excuses and blame their wives in these scenarios but Gertie sees past this logic. The beautiful wife forgave him many times but after more than a decade of infidelity she decided she had enough. He had been cheating on her by posing as a single guy on online dating site. The same site Gertie met him on. One of his suitors got wise through Googling him and discovered he was married. (Even further cementing that a little online stalking is necessary.) When the Lawyer tried to apologized to the suitor and mail her an apology gift the package was returned to his house where his wife opened it. He told Gertie that he had a problem being honest and it had cost him his last relationship. He was seeking counseling to correct his problem, it had caused him alot of problems with his family and his personal life. Remember the Red Flags?!?!?! They were the first clue the honestly problem was unresolved.

After a few minutes of awkward silence and while our heroine was considering jumping out the window on the highway, the Lawyer changes the subject and started talking about another date. Gertie was flabbergasted. She continued in idle chit chat while reconciling all the details that had been laid before and folks she spared you quite a few details. When they arrived at the Lawyer's abode, he invited her in to see the previously mentioned collectible/doodad. She hesitated and felt bad when this devious man told her it hurt his feelings that since he had been so honest she had changed her demeanor once he shared his past. Gertie felt like she was throwing a hammer and maybe it was without merit. She went upstairs to see the trinket but after five obligatory minutes she dashed. She practically ran for the door because the truth was too much for her, she saw the look of sadness flash across the Lawyer's face as she dashed.

Real men don't lie about their age or cheat on their wives. Gertie made plans to see the Lawyer again and as a woman of her word she kept them, but her feelings had changed. After their next date Gertie threw a hammer at the Lawyer and in his mind crushed his heart. When she broke it off he sent her the song lyrics to No Myth by Michael Penn complete with an explanation of how the song applied to their brief experience and she didn't have the change to get to know him. But you see fellow adventures, Gertie did get to know him and she got to know that he was no sheep or nice guy but actually a wolf, a playboy, a liar, a cheat and those are not for Gertie!

Gertie's Targets are real men!

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Gertie resolves to date these 17 guys in 2012

Ladies & Gentleman, Boys & Girls......

Gertie read an article about New Years Resolution and types of Guys to not date, therefore she is going to resolve to date the following types of guys... (If it doesn't work out with BB&J)

Gertie also suggest you should date these guys too!

1. The Guy Who Calls You At 12:01 To Wish You Happy Birthday. This year resolve to date someone who likes you and wants to make you feel special.

2. The Guy In Your Class/On Your Sports Team/At the Gym/In your Community Who Always Stares At You. If every time you answer a question or score a goal, run on the treadmill/ walk your dog, you look over and see him gazing longingly at you, he’s interested. He may be shy/awkward/nervous, so let's resolve to make the first move, or at least make things easier for him and see if he takes the bait.

3. The Guy Who You Feel Comfortable Wearing No Makeup Around. Feeling comfortable in your au natural state is a sign that you can be vulnerable around him. It’s not just about looking attractive, because that’s really all about how you feel about yourself, it’s about being able to be yourself.

4. The Guy Your Friend Was Trying To Set You Up With All Last Year. She tried four times to get you all together for drinks or bowling, but you were just recently heartbroken and he was traveling. Then you had the flu. Blah, blah, blah. No more excuses. Set a date with your friend and make it happen. ***Who wants to set Gertie up?****

5. The Single Dad Who’s Ready To Find Love Again. Having shunned single dads in the past because Gertie didn't want to be an Evil Step Mother, you should resolve to at least take it into consideration.

6. The Guy Whose Job/Apartment You Might Not Love But Who Treats You Like a Princess. If he treats you like gold and you’re discounting him because of he’s a bartender who lives in studio apartment, you’re focusing on the wrong things. With the exception of him being involved in criminal activities at the bar or hiding dead bodies in his studio apartment, he is highly datable. And remember that one time Gertie dated the bartender and he ended up being a lawyer....and what about your friend Steph who married and IRS IT guy who bartends for fun.

7. The Friend You Have Growing Feelings For. If you can have a magical falling in love with a friend moment, these make the very, very best relationships. It is very rare that this happens, contrary to what the rom-com industry wants you to believe, but if it does happen to you, don’t be an idiot. If this happens to Gertie I will surely let you know, I will at least investigate and keep the options open.

8. The Guy Who Plans Fun, Thoughtful Dates Tailored To Your Interests. There is a guy who does this? Where is he? Where? I am thinking this may be a UNICORN.

9. The Guy Who’s Not Normally Your Type. The older you get, the lamer it becomes to have only one type of dude you’ll date. All of us have preferences, yes. But we have to try something different at some point. And when it comes to really forming a bond with someone, it’s not the superficial stuff that matters. I have already veered off course by spicing up ethnicity, height, and divorcees and I will continue to veer off path when necessary in 2012.

10. The Guy Online Who Actually Took The Time To Read Your Profile And Comment On It Thoughtfully. His profile picture is almost irrelevant. This guy gets a date just for making the effort that so many other dudes online do not. And besides Mom always said to give everyone one shot, unless we have already gone out of course.

11. The Guy To Whom You Can Talk To For Hours. And not just about each other. If you can have long substantive conversations with this person, about topics outside of your own relationship and life story, that you actually enjoy, and you’re attracted to him. that’s like WHOA jackpot.

12. The Guy You Can Both Cry in Front of and Snort Laugh With. Some guys feel uncomfortable with the expression of emotion. This man does not. I’m so over holding in my snorts when I laugh (and I do snort when I laugh) to make anybody feel more comfortable.

13. The Guy Who Loves to Cook For You. How ironic that he loves to cook for me because I love to eat. This could work. Technically I am already kind of dating this guy, cross your fingers this works out! - Check 1! (Actually BB&J could be a few of these numbers but the likelihood of finding another guy that likes to cook for me makes him number 13.)

14. The Divorced Guy Who Understands What Commitment Is. I seriously don’t care that he’s divorced as long as he learned something from his divorce. If he can articulate what went wrong in his marriage and how what he is looking for has changed, I’m all in. Except for if he tells me the reason and it is be continued in another post.

15. The Guy You’ve Seen Around For A While And Always Felt Positively About. He may live in your neighborhood or be a peripheral part of your social circle. If every time you run into him, you think, “That guy seems cool,” why not find out?

16. The Guy You Maybe Weren’t Initially Attracted To But Suddenly Looks Kind Of Cute. People get haircuts and start going to the gym and mature a bit. If this guy is growing on you, give yourself permission to grow on him. That sounded creepier than I intended. I just meant to say, “Go for it!”

17. The Guy Who Isn’t Threatened You Make More Money Than Him — But Doesn’t Try And Freeload Off You Either. Being a successful woman means that there may be a few unenlightened men out there who feel uncomfortable about it. Luckily, he’s not one of them. But he’s also not so comfortable with your success that he’s living on your couch instead of working for a living. He is secure enough in his own career that he can be supportive of yours and, occasionally buy you dinner.

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo