Too Fast, Too Soon

I have been thinking a lot recently about things I may have done hastily in the past. I wonder if not weighing my options and committing too soon has brought me to this place where I am now, aka The Singleverse. I don't really think I was settling before, but I think I was a little quick to" jump all in, "as it were. Don't get me wrong, as I recently posted, I am loving my single life. However it's very easy for me to fall into a relationship. It's something that just comes naturally to me, and in the past, I would just go with it. Is this because I am a secret romantic? Am I just too loveable? Or is it the men I date? Nowadays, I have been making every attempt to keep relationships at bay, at times being distant or acting quite like a commitment phobe. I don't always think it's because the person doesn't have potential, I know it is because of my past.

Keeping in mind that I play a hand in the way things fall out, I wanted to think about the other people involved in these jump started relationships. I thought about the type of men I date who like to jump the gun and go all in, right out of the starting gates. I read an interesting article that said this happens because people are not out of love with their ex. Now in this article, a wife writes about how her husband asked her to move in with him after three weeks of dating. This author declined because she recognized this could be settling. Eventually they did end up together. But because he was right for her, declining the initial invitation merely wounded him a bit. The decline did not end their relationship. Being honest really helped them grow into something that was meant to be. I have had some dates where I was scared by people who fit the scenario, of still being in love with their ex. Overall however, this is generally not the brush that Gertie's relationship history is painted with.

Now our heroine doesn't move in with people after three weeks, although she has seen relationships flourish where that did happen. Gertie acknowledges it can work out in the long run for some people. Our heroine's issue is that she seems to like nice guys who may not be everyone's cup of tea. To be brutally honest, I have been told by quite a few of my friends I have ugly goggles. If you're handsome on the inside and questionable on the outside, I probably think you are hot. I often date guys whom others may have not given a chance, sometimes these guys haven't had a girlfriend in a while, or Gertie could be the cutest girl who has ever given them a date. Now don't get confused and think that I am running around thinking I am the hotness. This is not my point. Evaluating people on more than just what their physical appearance portrays is my character flaw. I am more of a Chubby Man with Animal Magnetism type girl. CMAM as it is abbreviated, goes along way with Gertie. I like nerds, nice guys, assholes with hearts of gold, atypical stud muffins, men with quirks; those are my guys.

Back to the subject at hand, I find myself at this Crux often when it comes to dating. When in the point of dating/early relationship does exclusivity become vital? How am I supposed to know within a few dates if someone is the one? IF I left it up to the men I went on dates with, I wouldn't have had a singleversary. In fact I would still be dating the Virgin, or the Lawyer, or Number 6 if I left exclusivity be the men in my life's decision.

I know that people assert that when it's the one, you know. Although I must assert, that I am confused at times.Twice in my life I have been in LT relationships where I jumped all in and that didn't end up being true. I know find myself like a fully clothed girl sticking her toe in the swimming pool. Even if the water is tempid, I just don't want to put on my suit and jump all in. And even if you want to wait because you're scared, unsure, frightened to be hurt again wouldn't the right guy really wait for you?

I went to a movie with some girlfriends this past weekend, Ok some of the girlfriends flaked but an amazing one showed up. It's a friend who I know is always honest and quite the straight shooter. We don't see each other often but she always asks if there are men in my life. My response was that there was but I was hesitant about him, she stared at me and said, "With your track record, I can see why." She was right, I have been burned. The expression goes fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. But really at this point, if Gertie goes all in a third time in the game of love she just becomes a fool. Even when writing this blog, often I wait to write about dates because I am scared I might jinx something that is budding in my midst. Most often you hear about the laughs once the guys are on their way out the door, and running from my hammer.

Therefore I am now instituting a 10 date rule, to be followed from this point forward. See Rule #12. Gertie will not be exclusive with anyone until after at least 10 dates. Caveat to this rule, if dates accrue quickly Gertie relents to being tied down until after 90 days. Gertie will inform suitors of this rule and they can take it or leave it. It's not that our girl is trying to be a player, it's just that her heart can't handle being played for a fool when it comes to love.

Do you agree with the 10 date rule? Do you think 90 days is too long to make a decision about exclusivity? In your life did you always know immediately without any hesitation when you met the one? I have put down my hammer and am now accepting comments, so don't be scared to share your actual thoughts.

For your listening enjoyment a song that reminded me of men in general:


Until next time,
Gertie XoXo

Updated Rules and Targets as of April

I'm back!! I know I know, it's been a while since I have blogged. I have been kind of busy, but it's really no excuse to keep my readers at bay. I mean there are 11 of you now. :) And I am sure there are a few not listed in the membership roster, so thanks to all of you for being patient.

Every month I will evaluate how my rules and targets are going and revise if necessary, the update is going to occur midmonth keeping in the Gertie tradition. I am quite a bit tardy in updating my rules and targets, but let's get those out of the way and then there are going to be some updates:

Here are the original Rules and Targets and here is the Revised Version

(Updates for this month are in orange):

Rules for Dating by Gertie:

1. Give everyone who asks a first date, after careful screening, they will all teach you something. (Ooops, I need to get back to this rule)

2. Google everyone before you're first date make sure they aren't a serial killer and their story checks out. (Mandatory, do not stray from this rule)

3. Give everyone that makes you laugh a second date, when you're old laughter will matter more than you know.

4. Give everyone your Google Voice number, shield your actual cell phone number.

5. Have an email address exclusively for online dating, don't link that email to anything else in your life.

6. Only give third dates to men who make you feel butterflies, no need to waste time.

7. Kissing on a first date is the exception not the rule, but sometimes kissing on the first date is exceptional.

8. See a man's place before you every invite him to yours.

9. Bring enough cash on a date to roll out if the need arises.

10. Honesty is a paramount quality, watch out for inconsistencies.

11. Ask every man what he is looking for and make sure we are on the same page by date three.

12. Institute the 10 date rule(to be blogged about shortly)

Male Targets:
1. Tall men who reach the top shelf - remember to subtract two inches from a listed height on an online dating profile.

2. Broad Men who give Great Hugs; subjective but necessary

3. Someone who doesn't want to hang out everyday, but who wants to hangout a few times a week, with boundaries.

4. Someone who is awesome and has friends that are awesome, bonus points if your friends would mesh well with my friends.

5. Someone who knows there way around a kitchen, bar, or a pantry. I like Men who can cook, bake, and especially craft an interesting cocktail or two.

6. Gentleman who remember the little things, without being asked and care about your well being.

7. Someone who makes you laugh, the type of laughter that explodes throughout your entire body.

8. Someone who loves their mom, sister, women in their life but in a healthy well adjusted way.

9. A Great Communicator.

10. Someone who likes to eat cake, and other applicable cake skills.

I am not going to be updating the 17 Guys to Date this Month, since I haven't been blogging I don't want to ruin any surprises.

I do however want to share an update on Miss Off the Market, we all know from her blog that wedding bells were in her future. Well the funny thing that Gertie wanted to share today was about her friend's flair. Her wedding invite was cute and personalized beyond belief. The response card by far was Gertie's favorite she has ever seen. (Apologies to my other friends, please don'ta be offended) The design of the card was a mad lib where you filled in your sentiments about the couple's special day. Of course Gertie's response attempted humor and tried to use superfluous diction where possible, but the best part of all was where Gertie had to enter her Guest's name. Traditionally & Guest would suffice, but our heroine had to step it up a notch. She often has contenders in the works, so which companion would escort her to this stellar event,drumroll please...... none other than:

THE FLAVOR OF THE MONTH.....To be continued sometime in September :)

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Happy Singleversary- Celebrating the Girl Named Gert!

HAPPY SINGLE-VERSARY!!

Today is my single-versary, on this day in 2011 I became officially single. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope," No really it was last spring. I am not going to blog as if I am Charles Dickens writing a Tale of Two Cities, but it's a great book if you've never given it a read, try it.

This blog is not going to rehash my breakup, make fun of my ex, or tell my sad sob story.(Although I reserve the right to do so in the future) On this of all fateful days, I am going to do what all women should do often in their life, I am going to celebrate my single self and talk about the most important relationship of all, my relationship with my self. (Everyone male or female should celebrate their relationship with them selves regardless of their single status, it is the longest relationship you will ever have....)

I will now be sappy and quote one of my most inspirational single ladies, the one....the only Carrie Bradshaw, well actually Candace Bushnell or Michael Patrick King should get credit for the quote,but think about these words because it really is true........

“I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you, you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”~Carrie


What do you love most about yourself? Who is the you that you love? It took me a minute to think about this when I was first single again. Knowing yourself well helps especially when online dating. What I have found in the last year is that there are parts of me that are incredibly unexpected. I had no idea those facets of me existed, but I love them and I am happy they are there. And as I am often times reminded by my bestie, I AM INCREDIBLY LOVEABLE. Overall on my search for Mr. Right, I am really in love for a man who loves the Gertie that I am and that I love. So today let's learn more about her and why she is awesome.
Things you should know and love about Gertie, starting with the way she cares for her friends. You see Gertie has an incredibly big heart. (Caveat, I admit freely I have been accused of having a Grinch heart about love of late, but it's a rumor and has not been substantiated) When I love my friends, my dog, my family I love them wholeheartedly, unconditionally and so much so that it can sometimes be overwhelming for all parties involved. I may get over excited because something is happening to them and snoopy dance in public. I may be really sad if something is causing them angst. But mess with someone whom I love and I might go crazy and threaten your life. (Mea Culpa) This may also have to do with being fiercely loyal and protective, but hey it's just another reason to love myself.

I have an incredible sense of style, I am a risk take at times and it generally pays off. Shopping with Lainey this weekend she made alot of faces about the hits and misses I pulled into the dressing room. I even forced a few on her, despite grumbles and protests. But I am bold, pull off interesting prints and am sometimes called a Fashionista. Albeit most recently it happened while I was wearing jeans and a tshirt and I didn't really agree, but I digress. In fact I love my self's interesting taste and I am my own favorite style star. I love my interesting sense of humor, I make sharp witty jabs at times and other times my humor can be quick painless and over your head. Some of my favorite parts of my personality are my observant, analytical, and sometimes obsessive nature.I love that I can cook almost anything from a recipe but I have to google how to make potato salad. I make some of the meanest risotto around but have no desire to ever make meatloaf. I'm also a pretty good baker, my attempt at Butterbeer cupcakes has been the most celebrated to date.

What do I love most about my single self? That I am adventurous. This single girl puts herself out there. The results are a mixed bag but every adventure teaches Gertie something new. On this adventure to find Mr. Right, I have really found out so much more about myself, than I could have imagined. Loving Gertrude is the best gift I can give myself on this Singleversary. Although if you'd like to send congratulatory wishes my way, the more the merrier!
Gertie is an amazing lady, singleton, and blogger!!

(come on people be generous, it's a special day)

I would like to end today's blog with an inspirational Video from Beyonce.....



Watch out for Hammers!
Gertie XoXo

Hoppy Easter

Dear Santa,

Well I know I got my wish list in late for Christmas but since it's Easter and you have yet to deliver someone tall dark and handsome, I might be lodging a complaint. Whom should I send that note to?

I'm still here waiting for a male specimen who was handsome, charismatic, and liked to eat cake. But I'd settle for funny, smart, and has skills in general. I've been willing to let the height requirement go for some time now.

I know that I gave you an extension on Valentine's Day but honestly I thought you'd be able to work something out with Peter Cottontail. So if you're worrying about timing Mr. Right's delivery for the holidays, don't worry I'll take him anytime your stopping by or even on a Tuesday, it is my favorite day of the week.

Patiently Waiting,
Gertie xoxo

Ps Happy Easter All, hope you had fun getting your Easter baskets!

Update on the Shirtless Wonder

It seems like this is a great week for updating people who we've discussed on the blog in the past. So I will update you on my great friend, Kal-El aka the shirtless wonder. We are friends now so I think we should call him Kal for short. He has a blog which I nominated for the Liebster. We've been friends for a while now, the better part of six months, you can read about our previous dates here and here.

I'm really thankful for his friendship. I never thought I would make a long term friend from online dating but sometimes surprises happen. Maybe if I was more honest with all my dates there could be more friendships along the way. Scratch that thought, I really don't need more friends, but I made an exception in his case. One of my favorite bloggers, Pony boy says that Men and Women can't be friends without some sort of attraction. Do you agree? Read his argument here and tell me your thoughts.

On this path to Spear a Man, Kal has inspired me that there are good men out there. We talk a couple times a week and we text daily. This weekend we each thought the other person was busy so there was radio silence for about 48 hours, it was such a strange feeling not to hear about his day. He really is awesome for being so available to Gertie, only a great friend let's you call whenever something is up, listens to all your crazy dating stories (without judging) and gives you such interesting opinions. He even indulges me in a little friendly banter from time to time. They way I knew friendship was an option between the two of us is because talking to him just seemed seamless. We have alot of similar interests. Although I must admit I do not understand his passion for Star Trek. We like alot of other shows, activities, and literature. I like to think we have our own version of a virtual book club. (BTW Kal, I am behind in reading Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, I better carve some time out for that on vacation next week.)

Most importantly, Kal is a man of his word. Having met so many men who I have had to throw the hammer at for lying or misrepresenting themselves, it is refreshing to meet a man who is so honest and just himself.

He sent me actual physical mail this week, which is funny because apparently I asked him to before he headed South. It had actually slipped my mind but upon receiving the note, the entire conversation came back to me. Receiving non-bills in the mail is actually one of Gertie's favorite things. I love the age of the Internet and am thankful for the blog sphere, but I would have preferred to live in a time of love notes and pen pals. Maybe that's why I acquire so much stationary.

Now don't get ahead of your selves folks Kal is just my friend. He is on a journey of self improvement. When he is done reinventing himself. I am sure there are going to be ladies waiting to beat down his door when he is done, I am positive the line is already forming. He really is such a catch! We are both resolved to being friends for now but I often wonder which man he would be if he had a number?What number do you think he would be? I also ponder what his list for women to date would look like. Maybe he will post his own list of Women to date sometime in 2013.

Until the Next Hammer,
Gertie XoXo

Update on Pon Farr: Gertie's version of the truth

I'll admit the blog has been kind of quiet lately, my apologies for keeping my activities under wraps. I have actually been having an interesting Spring so I will promise to keep the posts coming a little more frequently from here on out. To be honest I have been writing alot, I just haven't been publishing alot, because sometimes when I spill too early I jinx myself . I thought their might be some more guest posts from Pon Farr. I know you readers may have been interested in knowing how she and Mr. Hockey have been progressing. Today's blog will give you an update from Gertie's perspective of where things stand for the cute couple and I will let you know where to find Pon Farr in the future(yes folks, I am about to reveal her blog.) She can be more open about her leap of love now. She doesn't need the anonymity that our land offers, because she was already discovered guest blogging here, by one of her blogger friends. (Check out the comments, Darn that public Internet :P)I am not sure if her new beau liked reading her perspective of their dates, but one would think he enjoyed it. Hopefully he didn't mind Gertie's saucy comments either.

When we last left our heroine she had just ended an amazing first date, my sources reveal there have been quite a few more. In fact to be quite honest to say, I think our heroine is falling in love. This is so uplifting for Gertie to hear because she has been wondering if falling in love was still possible? I am a firm believer our friends teach us lessons all the time. Currently Pon Farr reminds me that falling in love is possible and exists in the universe. Each of us will get our own happily ever after, it will just occur on love's timeline not ours.

Now let's get back to Pon Farr and Mr. Hockey,Gertie actually met the infamous Mr. Hockey a few weeks ago. While she has only met him once, Gertie hopes to have more interactions with him in the future. Pon Farr has been suffering from Boyfriend Blackouts, which is understandable considering her budding romance. Gertie's first impression was that Mr. Hockey was a great match for Pon Farr. Their chemistry was palpable in the room. The pair were definitely smitten with each other. Gertie was so excited to see her friend falling for such a chivalrous prince. Mr. Hockey was kind, interesting, and quite humorous. I see why he makes Pon Farr laugh so much. Gertie may have been accused of interrogating/threatening Mr. Hockey. To be honest she was just trying to learn more about him and possibly ascertain his intentions towards Pon Farr. I think Mr. Hockey understood Gertie was just being protective, besides Gertie has a hammer so Mr. Hockey better not make her use it!

So now that you know Pon Farr's real identity you can feel free to check out her blog over at Lainey's Life Lessons. I am sure she will keep sharing her wisdom as she continues down the path of happiness. And if you are like Gertie, I bet you can't wait to hear more about her adventures with Mr. Hockey.


Watch out for cupid!
Gertie XoXo