I have been thinking a lot recently about things I may have done hastily in the past. I wonder if not weighing my options and committing too soon has brought me to this place where I am now, aka The Singleverse. I don't really think I was settling before, but I think I was a little quick to" jump all in, "as it were. Don't get me wrong, as I recently posted, I am loving my single life. However it's very easy for me to fall into a relationship. It's something that just comes naturally to me, and in the past, I would just go with it. Is this because I am a secret romantic? Am I just too loveable? Or is it the men I date? Nowadays, I have been making every attempt to keep relationships at bay, at times being distant or acting quite like a commitment phobe. I don't always think it's because the person doesn't have potential, I know it is because of my past.
Keeping in mind that I play a hand in the way things fall out, I wanted to think about the other people involved in these jump started relationships. I thought about the type of men I date who like to jump the gun and go all in, right out of the starting gates. I read an interesting article that said this happens because people are not out of love with their ex. Now in this article, a wife writes about how her husband asked her to move in with him after three weeks of dating. This author declined because she recognized this could be settling. Eventually they did end up together. But because he was right for her, declining the initial invitation merely wounded him a bit. The decline did not end their relationship. Being honest really helped them grow into something that was meant to be. I have had some dates where I was scared by people who fit the scenario, of still being in love with their ex. Overall however, this is generally not the brush that Gertie's relationship history is painted with.
Now our heroine doesn't move in with people after three weeks, although she has seen relationships flourish where that did happen. Gertie acknowledges it can work out in the long run for some people. Our heroine's issue is that she seems to like nice guys who may not be everyone's cup of tea. To be brutally honest, I have been told by quite a few of my friends I have ugly goggles. If you're handsome on the inside and questionable on the outside, I probably think you are hot. I often date guys whom others may have not given a chance, sometimes these guys haven't had a girlfriend in a while, or Gertie could be the cutest girl who has ever given them a date. Now don't get confused and think that I am running around thinking I am the hotness. This is not my point. Evaluating people on more than just what their physical appearance portrays is my character flaw. I am more of a Chubby Man with Animal Magnetism type girl. CMAM as it is abbreviated, goes along way with Gertie. I like nerds, nice guys, assholes with hearts of gold, atypical stud muffins, men with quirks; those are my guys.
Back to the subject at hand, I find myself at this Crux often when it comes to dating. When in the point of dating/early relationship does exclusivity become vital? How am I supposed to know within a few dates if someone is the one? IF I left it up to the men I went on dates with, I wouldn't have had a singleversary. In fact I would still be dating the Virgin, or the Lawyer, or Number 6 if I left exclusivity be the men in my life's decision.
I know that people assert that when it's the one, you know. Although I must assert, that I am confused at times.Twice in my life I have been in LT relationships where I jumped all in and that didn't end up being true. I know find myself like a fully clothed girl sticking her toe in the swimming pool. Even if the water is tempid, I just don't want to put on my suit and jump all in. And even if you want to wait because you're scared, unsure, frightened to be hurt again wouldn't the right guy really wait for you?
I went to a movie with some girlfriends this past weekend, Ok some of the girlfriends flaked but an amazing one showed up. It's a friend who I know is always honest and quite the straight shooter. We don't see each other often but she always asks if there are men in my life. My response was that there was but I was hesitant about him, she stared at me and said, "With your track record, I can see why." She was right, I have been burned. The expression goes fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. But really at this point, if Gertie goes all in a third time in the game of love she just becomes a fool. Even when writing this blog, often I wait to write about dates because I am scared I might jinx something that is budding in my midst. Most often you hear about the laughs once the guys are on their way out the door, and running from my hammer.
Therefore I am now instituting a 10 date rule, to be followed from this point forward. See Rule #12. Gertie will not be exclusive with anyone until after at least 10 dates. Caveat to this rule, if dates accrue quickly Gertie relents to being tied down until after 90 days. Gertie will inform suitors of this rule and they can take it or leave it. It's not that our girl is trying to be a player, it's just that her heart can't handle being played for a fool when it comes to love.
Do you agree with the 10 date rule? Do you think 90 days is too long to make a decision about exclusivity? In your life did you always know immediately without any hesitation when you met the one? I have put down my hammer and am now accepting comments, so don't be scared to share your actual thoughts.
For your listening enjoyment a song that reminded me of men in general:
Until next time,