Reasons I Throw Hammers at Boys

Well I should probably update my rules and Targets for the month because it's the end of May and I owed you a midmonth update. Here's the short version......

I won't be updating any rules this month or talking about date. However if you are new to the site and need the previous rundown, check them out. I am instituting a new policy of not blogging about dates before their stories hit the websphere, just know that there are going to be more blogs, this week, this month, and many more this year. Updates for this month will be in italics.

I will based be updating the Target section after thinking about Yesterday's blog, giving partial credit for the update to our dear friend Ryan, check him out he's always sooooooooo entertaining!!

Male Targets:
1. Tall men who reach the top shelf - remember to subtract two inches from a listed height on an online dating profile.

2. Broad Men who give Great Hugs; subjective but necessary

3. Someone who doesn't want to hang out everyday, but who wants to hangout a few times a week, with boundaries.

4. Someone who is awesome and has friends that are awesome, bonus points if your friends would mesh well with my friends.

5. Someone who knows there way around a kitchen, bar, or a pantry. I like Men who can cook, bake, and especially craft an interesting cocktail or two.

6. Gentleman who remember the little things, without being asked and care about your well being.

7. Someone who makes you laugh, the type of laughter that explodes throughout your entire body.

8. Someone who loves their mom, sister, women in their life but in a healthy well adjusted way.

9. A Great Communicator.

10. Someone who likes to eat cake, and other applicable cake skills.

11. Someone with distinction that sets them apart from others, be it quirky, witty, or charming.

12. A man who I value enough to cherish our relationship but whose value I do not place above my own.

And for good measure something that I saw that absolutely is the reason why I throw hammers at boys. I know that you can neither just sit around optimistically waiting for love to fall into your lap and at the same time, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE LEFT!!! Because it might not happen on my timetable, but I know someday it will happen, maybe sooner than I expect it. :)



Until tomorrow...Watch out for Hammers!!

Sometimes you don't need a hammer, you're looking for a purse.

I came across a blog a few weeks ago which talked about Purse Theory. Most times when I spread some blog love, it is because I actively read another person's blog, weekly. However this time,I was googling for purses and I came across this and it just spoke to me. To be honest besides Purse Theory, I don't know that I actually care for the rest of Baisically's blog but this theory is brilliant.

The Purse Theory in summary, all women are searching for the perfect bag that is a compliment to all your outfits. This is the bag you use until it dies and can't be used anymore. Feel free to go and read Baisically's description if you like more explanation, but it got me thinking if the Purse Theory was true about the men in my life.

I have always had an interesting sense of self comparative to others. I never want the purse that all my friends have. I always want something that is interesting and that alot of people wouldn't want. I want a purse that fits my needs.

So if I described what I was looking for in an ultimate purse, would it compare to my dating life?

My ideal purse is medium to large, large enough to be seen and useful. When I am looking at men I generally like them tall and broad. Maybe I see that as useful in my fashion and life. I also like a purse to multifunction. It should be able to jut to the market as well as go out on the town. Finding a man who cleans up well for a night on the town and who is comfortable at home is also an ideal Target. I also like a Purse with a little distinction sometimes that could mean a fancy label, but more so it's just a little bit of quirk to the design that sets it apart from everyone else. This also falls in line with how I like my men. As I have said many times on this blog, I am probably dating the guys with quirks as opposed to popular playboys.

However in my real life I am never happy with just one bag. In my dating life I am actually drawn to one man at a time and the length of the relationships vary. There have been two long relationships and some memorable style choices along the way. Maybe my single life is really reflected through my fashion. I have a closet full of bags. Most of the bags are big, few are small. There are a few classic neutrals that go with everything, although there are some quirky statement pieces. Sometimes I will keep a bag in rotation for days, weeks, month, at a time before donating it to Goodwill. Some men in my life are there for days, weeks, months at a time before I help them move along to where they are supposed to go.

My bag always matches my outfit or the occasion, just as the men I choose while dating often match the time period of my life. Choosing bags for a trip or vacation really limits my options, I really have a problem choosing just one. Yes, they're all great bags which serve many purposes, but what if I am away and I have only brought Vera options. Then I am invited to a fancy dinner out with a handsome Mr. Right, will I be happy with my flowery staple or will I be dreaming of my perfect patent clutch? In contrast, on this singles cruise I am on, I find myself having a hard time committing to just one choice. If I only bring the quirky Vera will I long for the straw clutch that I didn't buy on sale?

I blogged a few weeks ago about Moving Targets, I still owe you a blog about my favorite Moving Target, Steelers Guy, hopefully I can publish that this week.

I have so many blogs started, they are in the oven baking as it were, but lately it's been so hard to finish icing them and show them to the world. It's always hard to write about the work in progress as opposed to that time you burnt the cookies.

Back to the topic at hand, Purse Theory, well I am beginning to think the reason why I don't have a love affair with one great man is the same reason while I have a room full of purses. I am beginning to think that I might be a Moving Target. Maybe Gertie isn't meant to keep a man for longer than a few iconic seasons. Perhaps I am so stylish and wonderful that if I just kept one bag for too long that I would be depriving my inner Fashionista? What do you think?

Only time will tell......

In the interim I am determined to keep bringing the spotlight to all the wonderful bags in my closet. Maybe one day an elusive Birkin or perhaps a designer original will tie me down for all seasons. But until then, I will keep rotating all the lovely choices in my closet and keep the fashion fresh as the season change.

As I recently RSVPed to a wedding with "Flavor of the Month," in lieu of and Guest or a Gentleman's Name because I am really unsure who the guest will be. I feel like if I limit my bag options, I might miss the purse of my dreams.

Watch out for Hammers!,

Gertie

XoXo

TMI Tuesday: The Inverted Poll

The inverted poll.

In many polls, you are asked if you strongly agree, somewhat agree, neither agree nor disagree, somewhat disagree or strongly disagree with some proposition. Today, we go the other way. We supply the answer, you supply the question.

(I loosely interpret this as not only being a question but topic or statement.)

1. Tell us something with which you strongly agree,or greatly like.

"The greater love is a mother's; then comes a dog's; then a sweetheart's." - Polish Proverb

2. Tell us something with which you somewhat agree, or somewhat like.

"Men are only as loyal as their options." ~Bill Maher

3. Tell us something to which you are indifferent, or have no opinion.

BreastFeeding: I currently have no opinion on the great breastfeeding debate, I don't have a horse in the race. Although if I were going to base an argument it would be your body your decision.

4. Tell us something with which you somewhat dislike or disagree with.

Reading prowling blogs make you more likely to cheat. OR

Reading all these blogs is souring my mind about relationships.

I disagree that reading prowling blogs, or any blog tempers my opinions of men. I think that my extracurricular reading whether it be Ryan, Kat, or even a great Married Guy only enlightens my outlook to how other people live their lives.

I think that their blogs give great relationship advice and insight into how people think. Challenging me to think outside my box.

5. Tell us something with which you strongly disagree, or greatly dislike.

Tomatoes are awesome! Most people concur, I disagree.I greatly dislike tomatoes, always have and always will! (It's my quirk)

Bonus: What is an opinion held by others that makes you angry?

That sexual orientation is a choice. Considering all the hardship it causes in our society who would really choose to be different?

————-

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Watch out for Hammers!

Gertie, XoXo

TMI Tuesday - Fine Dining

I have succumbed to blogging about something a little different after reading about all your food choices. Maybe this TMI Tuesday will become a tradition. (plus this saves me another day before I have to blog about current affairs, lol)

FINE DINING

You are having dinner at the best restaurant you can imagine. Do not concern yourself with over-eating, or other restrictions. We want to know what you like best. What will you have for:

1. Before dinner wine, aperitif, or cocktail? Cocktail something seasonal and in a martini glass. French Vanilla Swirl perhaps if I was going with a favorite

2: Appetizer? These incredible Vietnamese Crepes with Duck, Fresh Vegetables, and a Savory Sauce. I've only had them at one incredibly authentic place and I dream about them constantly.

However if this is a meal where we share appetizers than I will also be having Mini Elvis Burgers from Jackie's. Who doesn't love a mini burger and this one has an incredible pimento topping that is unparalleled.

3. Soup? Sui Mono from my favorite Teppanyaki restaurant. The mushrooms are sliced so think and the soup has delicate onions in the bottom. The warmth resonates from inside of you as you eat it.

4. Salad? Possibly a salad with Ginger dressing because of the soup I just ate. But if courses were unrelated I would like a salad with fresh strawberries, cucumbers, peppers, dark salad greens, feta, and a balsamic reduction.

5. Wine or other beverage with dinner? With Dinner I will switch to a refreshing white wine, something light with a clean finish. Although before the first bite I often sip water to cleanse my palette.

6. Entree? Since we are without restrictions I am going to have a filet cooked to a perfect medium rare and fresh maine lobster that is cracked and served with melted butter. I'd prefer it from the best family owned Steak House in Eastport, Lewne's.

7. Side Dishes? Mushroom risotto with peas(Although I'd substitute risotto cakes from Ale Wife) and fresh asparagus with lemon

8. Dessert? This is such a tough choice for me, because I love dessert so much. Currently I think it would include Smith Island Cake (but I can't choose a flavor) or The Coconut Bomb from the Kentmor it's not on the menu, but it's the owner's specialty, or perhaps I would make it a trio and add Pie on a Stick from the Blonde Giraffe. That would definitely be a great trio: Smith Island Cake, Coconut Bomb, and Pie on a Stick.

9. After dinner drink? The after dinner drink is always such a nice refreshing finish to the meal. Perhaps I would have some aged Grand Marnier or Nut and Berries.

10. Which 3 people would you invite to dinner: (must be famous, well-known, living or dead, not fictional)

- For sex appeal: Gerard Butler (Gerald & Gertie: A Love Story waiting to happen)

- For great conversation: Tom Collichio (He's my favorite, voice on Top Chef and we have to talk about the food. Hopefully he suggests a nice wine pairing.)

- Because you detest them: Detest is such a strong word, but Sarah Palin. Maybe with food in her mouth the sound of her voice won't make me flitch.

Bonus: Your lover brings you breakfast in bed. What’s on the tray?

————- Waffles preferably with fresh berries and warm butter and fresh squeezed juice.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Guffawed!

Updated: I am going to add a few points to this because blogging from my mobile device left a few details out of the story.So this is the first time I've blogged on my mobile device. (Fingers crossed that it goes well!)

I literally just guffawed on a date. It's with someone I've gone out with quite a few times. We went to lunch and were going to a movie. While we were having lunch the male server was slightly flirting with me. I thought he was being friendly, and I smiled and enjoyed the compliment.

The craziest thing happened at the end of lunch. My date asked the male server for the check. The server brought our check split in two. It wasn't split in half nor did we request it split. The server explained he brought the check split but put the two items we shared on my date's half. He added "I didn't know if you two were together..." and "Of course he wouldn't mind paying for the appetizer," says the server referencing my date and patting my date on the back/shoulder.

There was a moment of awkward silence. My date confused the server for even more My date responded, We're together and put down his card for the entire tab. I laughed hysterically.

I'm not sure if the server was trying to stop a girl from getting a free lunch? Or simply hoped we weren't on a date. The thought didn't occur to me but my companion thought he might have been flirting? Well actually after giving it some thought maybe he was flirting but it was a super ballsy move on his part. In all my years it has never happened to me before and it was incredibly funny. Kudos to Fred for handling it like a champ.

What's your take? Has anything so funny happened to you?

Watch out for split checks!
Gertie XoxO

Gertie's Theory of Moving Targets

Have you seen the episode of Sex and The City where Mr. Big and Natasha have their engagement party? I can't remember the season currently but Carrie is standing there on the street and she sees the horse drawn carriage. She has a great quote about why some women are single. The quote is," Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them." I don't think this theory is exclusive to women as a gender. This got me thinking about untamed men who I've come across in my life as well. I thought about famous bachelors and well liked singletons of both genders. Then I had an epiphany, maybe not all targets are meant to be speared, maybe some targets are supposed to be perpetually in motion

These Moving Targets exist in history, in the form of celebrity, and if you are lucky you may come across some in your life. Who might Gertie be proposing these Moving Targets might be? Well in history there are many famous Moving Targets who considered not only to the lives of those around them but the world at large. Did you know that Pascal, Voltaire, Newton, Thoreau, Van Gogh, Chopin, Brahms, Gershwin, Schubert, Da Vinci, and even the American James Buchanan are famous bachelors in history? These men have made impacts on alot of our lives. Being Moving Targets doesn't mean they never experienced love, fathered a child, or had a relationship it just means they aren't seen as entwined forever with an individual soul mate. Famous Moving Targets of our time include celebrities such as Andre the Giant, Billy Idol,
Ralph Nader, Al Pacino, Bill Maher, Hugh Grant, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ed Koch, Anthony Michael Hall, and the most Famous Moving Target according to Gertie, the one the only............. GEORGE CLOONEY!!!!

For your approval, debate and commentary, Gertie now presents:

THE THEORY OF MOVING TARGETS:

Moving Targets are people who have qualities that set them in the range to be Targets for our spears. They have the qualities you are looking for in dates but there is something that sets them apart. Moving Targets are those that can never fully be speared by one person. They are Targets that are so intrinsically wonderful they are not meant for just one person, but must enrich the lives of many. We should all be so lucky as to have Moving Targets enrich our lives.

Disclaimer: Gertie is not claiming to be a great scientist or philosopher, this is simply her little theory on why wonderful men/women are perpetual singletons.

Gertie has experienced some Moving Targets in her life. Her favorite Moving Target is affectionately known as Steelers Guy. Thinking of Steelers guy always makes me smile. He is a man among men, any man that I have dated after him has at some point been compared to his benchmark. He is despite his choice in football teams, both a scholar and a gentleman and I think I am going to tell you about him before we delve into Gertie's current affairs.

Do you believe that you have had a MOVING TARGET in your life? What did this person teach you? Even when the Target moved on did you still view them fondly?

Too learn more about Gertie's Moving Target, come back Friday when we hear about How they met.

Until Then Watch Out for Hammers,
Gertie XoXo

Gertie throws more than just hammers, sometimes she throws darts.

I have been saying that I was going to blog about Fred Flinstone since the middle of March. However the best information I have shared thus far, is that we went to coffee. As a preview to a blog that should post sometime later in the week, I will simply disclose that we are still dating... and as of today I have not yet thrown the hammer in his direction.

However I had an interesting dates right before vacation that I want to talk about today. Some people send you messages and are vague, maybe they tell you their initial and not their name. Maybe they share their general line of work, but not their employer. I would say that when people are guarded, I am generally respectful because I see why there are slow to share personal details about their lives online. I mean even though I blog, I try to do so somewhat anonymously. So sometimes when a person messages me online and they share a little too much information up front it sends off little red flags in my head. Alarms start going off and I wonder why is this person so trusting to a stranger online? I mean I am a super hero who uses her Magic Hammer to track bad guys and apprehend villains and I don't share that with men until at least the third date.

Back to the date at hand, I was messaged by a seemingly interesting gentleman and within the first few messages I easily had enough information to run a credit check and verify most of his life history. He revealed that he was also a super hero. Although he solved crimes with a bat mobile and tool belt in lieu of a hammer. He worked in a neighboring city. He was familiar with my home turf and by all accounts he felt like he could volunteer all this information before Gertie ever revealed her super lineage. Being familiar with how superheroes communicate with one another, I almost wanted to prank his bat signal to teach him a lesson about revealing too much information to a perfect stranger. However, I didn't want to get the Justice League upset with me.

I decided even though I had already met a chivalrous gentleman in Fred Flinstone that I was still on the hunt for Mr. Right. Not a girl to put all my eggs in one basket, I should give Batman a date. However since loose lips sink ships, I didn't divulge too much information about my myself until I met Bruce Wayne in person. Tired of the old dinner, movie, chit chat scene and attempting to test Batman's knowledge of the local venues. Gertie decided to meet him at her favorite sports lounge (Read Dive Bar) and play some darts. To be honest, Gertie just didn't want to have to drive too far if Batman was disappointing. Also Gertie knows that some friends from work often hang out there. The dive is big enough where she could avoid her coworkers if necessary. By playing darts, Gertie could also have a beer with them if Batman flaked. She had a suspicion that he might not actually show.

Twice Gertie thought about canceling the date because of some mixed emotions.

She decided to get gussied up in her casual best and go meet Batman none the less. Arriving about ten minutes early, Gertie sat in the parking lot and peered around for familiar cars. There was no one from her social circle and the local Hump Bar so she made her way inside. She got a drink from the familiar bartender and made her way to the dart room. As we know our heroine is very skilled with throwing her hammer, but there would have to be some adjustments in her throws to land some darts. As she warmed up, she was joined by the Dark Knight. She quickly realized he probably shared so much over email because he was definitely the silent type.

Although the darts were fun, the company was rather lackluster. Batman was slightly amusing but I think he could have benefited from a sidekick. In lieu of a Dick Grayson look alike, Batman had a furry partner in crime. We had some beers and got to know each other a little better. Although to be honest he really was all about his super tool belt, Batphone, and Batmobile. There wasn't much to his nature besides fighting crime. He seemed rather obsessed with it. He wasn't really interested in the business of romance. He had some bemusing stories but they all involved his work. Not one to be interested in the one dimensional superhero, I tried to delve deeper into his other interests and see if there was much more beneath the surface. It appeared there was not. I didn't ever reveal my super hero status to the Dark Knight. I didn't really give him the hammer either. I just kind of lefting him hanging.......I told him of my vacation and that it would be a while before I got back in town. He sent me a few messages whilest I was away. To be honest, I just kind of ghosted him a bit. I figured he would get the hint if I didn't show any interest.

Surprisingly the Dark Knight did not like being ignored, he retorted with a message about how he thought we had a connection and he often goes to the Hump Bar. He hoped to see me again sometime, he wasn't mad I had been aloof. He left the door open to contact him at my own pace. Maybe the timing was just off since we work in neighboring towns and both fight evil, maybe our paths will cross again. Who knows maybe when Gertie is done investigating Caveman, she might send up a Bat Signal.

Watch out for hammers,
Gertie XoXo