Monday, June 25, 2012

Gertie throws the hammer at herself in real life

I think it is important to note that although our fun and fearless heroine has dating rules and talks about Targets she is still just a single girl in the dating world and she can often get flustered. Do any of you have regular crushes? Maybe people who strike your fancy but you may or may not be interested in talking to. Well I have three such men in my life and I am about to tell you about each of them.Secret Confession: Sometimes when I catch a glimpse of an incredibly dreamy hunk I become frozen in space and time and I am more of a young school girl than the mature heroine who is trying to Target Mr. Right. Since I often throw the hammer at boys for not acting their age, I think I should use this blog to make fun of myself in a myriad of my recent social interactions.
Back to my three school girl crushes.......
#1 LL Cool J
I drive to work daily and en route I have to pass through entrance where they view your employee badge before you can enter. There are three entrances you can drive thru and they all have regular attendants whose schedules are rotated. So you see the same five to seven guys every day but they are in different entrances at different times. Being a superhero we have to keep our bat caves very restricted so no one steals our super cool gadgets and toys. There is one attendant who I regularly flirt with who is my first every day crush. He looks exactly like LL Cool J. LL Cool J the actor/rapper/hearthrob. LL Cool J the star became more attractive to me when I heard how long he had been married to his wife, Simone, whom he had been with since they were teenagers. Somehow to me fidelity and a long standing love is incredibly romantic and attractive. So back to my everyday crush, he checks my employee badge a few times a week. I like to be in his line more so in the cooler months than the warmer ones because when he puts a cap and jacket on he looks less like LL Cool J. His jacket also says his last name so it slightly ruins my fantasy that his last name is Smith. Why else do I crush so hard on this eye candy, it can't only be looks Gertie? Well there is one more reason and it's quite simple. My LL Cool J is a flirt. No matter what I am wearing, or how I appear Mr. Cool J always tell me how beautiful I look in the morning as he wishes me good day. Sometimes it's a specific compliment and sometimes not. Do I think I am the only lady he wishes good day with an added smile and compliment? Absolutely Not!!!! But I love the morning flirtation, it brightens my day. In addition knowing that it will never be anything more than a smile and a compliment keeps this school girl coming back for more even in the longest entry line.

#2 Mr. CoffeeI work in a rather large office complex, there are many building that are inte
rconnected they have common areas where people laugh, socialize, have coffee, lunch and take smoke breaks. Often in these areas I will encounter people who work in other office spaces. On one such occasion when I was getting coffee on a casual Friday in early Spring I saw him. I was breaking in a new pair of heels for a date later that night. My heart stilled for a minute as this handsome nerdy man entered the cafe. He did look slightly like Gerard Butler, although I chose this picture mainly for the outfit. He had on something similar but despite his tall nature his pants were rolled on the bottom and slightly pegged. Gertie you are telling us about a nerdy guy with pegged pants? Yes....I am, we all have our quirks, now keep reading. He walked around me in a circle and checked me out. Both my colleagues standing in line noticed his flirtatious glance. I am incredibly single so there is no reason why I couldn't simply go up to him and say hi. In online dating I will often wink, message, or visit a cute guy's profile and don't hesitate to make the first move. But in real life, I stand shocked that a man in my office building is checking me out. Like it can only happen online and it is a foreign concept in reality. I smile back at him I follow him and his friend around the cafe with my eyes. As I am getting honey for my tea he steps next to me and asks me for a sugar packet. I can't remember if it was splenda, equal, I know it was some type of artificial sweetener. It was all I could do to just stare at him and then he smiled and commented that he would see me about and he was off. It was if I had thrown an invisible hammer that had frozen me in time. On another occasion, Mr. Coffee approached where Maria and I were sitting in the cafe having coffee with some of our male colleagues. I got so nervous and flushed I nearly passed out. Turns out he just walked past my table and gave me a wink as he headed out to have a smoke with his buddy. I have seen him several times since and we always exchanges smiles, there is just something that keeps me from making the first move. Could it be the dates I have been on recently, my own hammer holding me back, or that I am so much cooler online?

#3 Covert D

I have a love of nerds. I think I like men that other ladies look past sometimes, let me correct myself I know I choose men that other ladies look past often. The problem is I am cute and although social awkward at times. In non flirting situations, these cute little nerds probably think I am out of their league, I know this is true because I have been told this by them and all my friends on more than one occasion. However if you think a nerd who likes coffee in my building makes me nervous, let me tell y
ou about the man who make me speechless....his name is Covert D. Covert D is the KING of the NERDS at a business meeting that I regularly attend. I am generally a heightest but for Covert D I make an exception. Patti Stanger once said on Millionaire Matchmaker that no one cared how tall a man was when he was standing on his money. This would relate to Covert D because it never occurred to me how tall he was because all I can see is his brain. He is so quirky, intelligent, and smart and he makes the most inappropriate jokes on slide presentations. The first time I saw him I wasn't even single it was well over a year ago and even though at the time I was blissfully in love, he sent butterflies in my tummy when I saw him. He has piercing blue eyes and the best laugh. I am told by Miss Off the Market and Maria that I am probably the only one in the room with the hots for him. But this school girl crush I have none the less. Standing somewhere in the five eight to five ten height measurements, Covert D looks like a cross between Zach Galifianakis and Gerard Butler if they had a love child who was in his late thirties. I have done some slight investigations through colleagues and he appears to be single but I have yet to make a move. I assumed he was married because all the good ones are taken, but in fact he is not. I argued to my friends that he must have a significant other, but alas it appears that may not be the case. I mean if there is a woman it is not serious, because you should see some of his fashion choices. In addition it has been said by my friends that his off color slides would lose some of the sexual tension if he was actually gettting action in real life. I mean people who have sex don't have to write about it, some blogs on my blog roll argues against that theory. But one assumes those authors don't include sex commentary on their power point presentations.....(crickets chirping)

I have managed to speak to Covert D about work projects, he's started conversations several times. He once discussed something with me and I was about to ask him for drinks but we were interrupted by a third party and I didn't want to get shot down in front of an audience. During the meeting's break we all have lunch, I was about to join him at a table by himself. BAM!! My boss cock blocked me(Can women cock block other women?) threw a hammer at my plan. She asked me to join her to talk about our projects during lunch. In the last six months I have made attempts to speak to him but I just can't seem to close and ask him for drinks. I initially held back because I didn't want to look unprofessional hitting on colleagues. Especially as the newly single lady about town, but now I worry if I reveal my school girl crush I will look like some type of serial killer. I mean I don't want to be known as the girl who wants to wear his face as a mask?......I mean how long can you lust after a crush before it becomes creepy. So I look forward to the meetings where I see Covert D twice a month and continue on throwing hammers at boys. In the back of my mind this Target just seems to have the What If , plastered on his head. I set goals every month that this will be the time and I will ask him for drinks or his number, but at this point I have yet to close. On a positive note, dressing up slightly more for meetings when I see him as scored me several business cards and alot of flirting from everyone but my Target. Although in his defense he has been absent for the last four. Maybe I can manage to close before the end of the summer?

As I always throw hammers at boys for childish behavior and throw remarks about how they should man up, I thought it was only appropo to finally admit that even I suffer from stints of social awkwardness. And while LL Cool J is merely eye candy, I am more able to flirt with him on a daily basis than I am to really close with the more realistic Covert D or Mr. Coffee.

Feel free to make fun of me or if you are really feeling charitable proffer advice on how to woman up and seal the deal. I am still living in the mantra that I will be more successful with men who make the first move in real life. Anyone have a story that proves me wrong?

Watch out for Hammers!
Gertie XoXo

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