Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Gertie almost throws a hammer at the movies

Movies are a popular dating options when getting to know someone. I don't advise going to the movies on a first date and generally not on the second date either, but occasionally you bend the rules. The real reason why going to the movies is frowned upon so early in dating/relationship is because there is little opportunity during the actual movie for interaction and to get to know the person. In contrast I am sure my male readers would say that movies are excellent dates because there is lots of opportunity for contact and kissing.

However if you are planning on catching a drink/quickbite after the movie it's a great way to get to know each other after a shared experience. So after coffee with Fred Flinstone he asked me if I wanted to catch a movie with him later in the week. Gertie touts on her online dating profile that she likes to share popcorn at the movies, so it's something that people often suggest to her. She really only declines the invitation if the movie sounds bad.

I once had a guy take me to Beauty & The Beast 3D on a date, and even though it didn't work out, Kudos to him for the romantic date notion. Secret Confession: Gertie is a huge fan of action movies, horror movies, and movies that make most women roll their eyes. She also likes chick flicks and romantic comedies but because growing up her primary movie going buddy was her Dad, her movie taste is somewhat skewed. As we previously learned,  Gertie also doesn't jump at scary movies.

'You don't want to see my movie pick, and I don't want to see yours so I think it's only fair that we see something neither of us wants to.'
Choosing a movie, Gertie Style!
Fred and Gertie meet early after work to attend a movie, he hadn't mentioned what they were going to see, but Gertie was sure she would enjoy it. She knew there were several movies she was interested in seeing. Fred assumed that Gertie would want to see the inevitable chick flick that was playing in the theaters and widely hyped on all social media outlets.  Fred almost struck out when they met because he didn't have a plan of what movie to see.... or a specific time. You know when you are at the theater and shows start within a half hour window and then it's two hours before more movies play. Well that is what is going on as they are trying to decide. Fred responded that Gertie could choose anything she liked and pointed out the start time for the over-advertised chick flick. Unbeknownst to Fred, Gertie had already seen that movie twice and had no interest in seeing it a third time. I only saw it twice because I had plans with two different sets of girlfriends and didn't want to decline either girls night because I had already seen the movie, so I went to both. Back to the task at hand, within thequickly closing window there was only an action movie and a teen house party flick left to see.... Gertie had also seen the action movie. Ok OK I see a lot of movies, but it was late in  winter and with the weather being mucky, it had been a popular activity. So Teen House Party Flick, and with a swipe of a card at the automated machine Gertie and Fred were off to see Project X.

While Project X is a funny movie, the previews included a lot of raunchy humor. I was not uncomfortable in the least, being a sailor's daughter but Fred kept blushing as the raunchy humor ensued. Skip ahead to the movie, there was much talk about trying to get laid, vulgarity, and teenage angst. Gertie was thoroughly laughing and enjoying herself and poor Fred just kept looking at Gertie to gauge whether he had blown his chance and she was offended. Then there was the bedroom hookup scene in the movie. I have never seen a man turn so ghastly white at the sight of sex, and sneakily look to see my reaction. I felt like I was watching a movie with my Dad, and he was covering my eyes....as if you were a five year old. A quick squeeze to Fred's hand and a smile seemed to wipe the tension from his face and he relaxed and begin to enjoy the flick. The movie was actually incredibly funny. I laughed more at that than I did the 21 Jump Street remake that came out about the same time.

As the chatted after the movie and strolled about the local town center they relaxed and Gertie saw alot more of Fred's personality shine through. Remember Fred isn't a glittering gem he is more of a diamond in the rough. There was something about him in his work clothes, a bit more polished and professional than his casual coffee attire that really made Gertie notice his handsome features. Everything was going well and then Fred told the most embarassing story about taking a Lady on a movie date and losing his car in the process. Apparently, Fred is notorious for misplacing things, especially where he parked. He proceeded to tell Gertie about an app you can install on your phone to prevent such a thing from happening. All was going well, but the time to end the date had come upon them. Fred offered to walk Gertie to the car and said that they had parked in the same garage. Turned out he hadn't used the parking app and he was wrong. Gertie, treating others as she liked to be treated decided to give Fred a lift the two blocks to where he actually parked. On the way there she made jokes about her bad driving and they talked about their great time. 

There is something Gertie hasn't told you about going on her first two dates with Fred, they were all an attempt to get an invite to a group that Fred belonged to.....more about that in the next blog. Yes Gertie knows this is wrong, but honestly she would have never accepted a coffee date except for that Fred held a key to enter a lair which she had been seeking admittance. Despite the great time they had at coffee, Gertie really just wanted an invite to the group event he was attending the next weekend or she would have never agreed to an early bird movie in the middle of the week but Gertie had her eye on a prize......

Fred invited Gertie to the group event she had wanted to attend and started making plans to meet her that Saturday. As she pulled up to the garage where he had parked his car she made some idle chit chat and expected him to get out of the car. There had been minimal touching at the theater and no attempt to goodnight kiss had happened so far, so our HandShake Heroine thought she was in the clear.....BUT OH BOY WAS SHE WRONG!!! Remember when Gertie told you not to give boys rides home, even if that meant the man had to wait in the rain. Well never let men into your car or your apartment unless you are ready for them to see it as an invitation to take things to the next level..... 

 As Gertie stopped in front of the garage Fred took the invitation to sit in her car as an invitation to invite himself into her mouth. In one foul swoop he leaned in for a hug and kissed her on the mouth. Gertie was shocked, she hadn't seen the date as being so romantic nor their relationship as being so familiar. Remember Dear Gertie is often a prude when first meeting a gentleman. As Fred kissed her, she felt  his tongue jamming against her lips, a foreign invader to her mouth had arrived, in lieu of relaxing and kissing him back our heroine clenched her jaw. The combination caused an ominous thing to happen.......FRED LICKED GERTIE'S TEETH. Then as if once were not enough, when she raised the hammer and pushed him back, before she could throw it he leaned in and did it again. Later on when Gertie makes fun of Fred for doing such a ridiculous thing he tells her his best friend told him ladies like their teeth licked. HOW ABSURD!!!! Gertie didn't want to lose her invite to the event that Saturday so she game him an incredulous look and wished him a good evening. She really wished she would have thrown a hammer at him, but something held her back

Until Next Time, 
Gertie XoXo

Ps We know that I didn't throw the hammer because Fred is still being posted about on this blog, sometimes I shock and amaze myself.

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