Reasons I Throw Hammers at Boys

Well I should probably update my rules and Targets for the month because it's the end of May and I owed you a midmonth update. Here's the short version......

I won't be updating any rules this month or talking about date. However if you are new to the site and need the previous rundown, check them out. I am instituting a new policy of not blogging about dates before their stories hit the websphere, just know that there are going to be more blogs, this week, this month, and many more this year. Updates for this month will be in italics.

I will based be updating the Target section after thinking about Yesterday's blog, giving partial credit for the update to our dear friend Ryan, check him out he's always sooooooooo entertaining!!

Male Targets:
1. Tall men who reach the top shelf - remember to subtract two inches from a listed height on an online dating profile.

2. Broad Men who give Great Hugs; subjective but necessary

3. Someone who doesn't want to hang out everyday, but who wants to hangout a few times a week, with boundaries.

4. Someone who is awesome and has friends that are awesome, bonus points if your friends would mesh well with my friends.

5. Someone who knows there way around a kitchen, bar, or a pantry. I like Men who can cook, bake, and especially craft an interesting cocktail or two.

6. Gentleman who remember the little things, without being asked and care about your well being.

7. Someone who makes you laugh, the type of laughter that explodes throughout your entire body.

8. Someone who loves their mom, sister, women in their life but in a healthy well adjusted way.

9. A Great Communicator.

10. Someone who likes to eat cake, and other applicable cake skills.

11. Someone with distinction that sets them apart from others, be it quirky, witty, or charming.

12. A man who I value enough to cherish our relationship but whose value I do not place above my own.

And for good measure something that I saw that absolutely is the reason why I throw hammers at boys. I know that you can neither just sit around optimistically waiting for love to fall into your lap and at the same time, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE LEFT!!! Because it might not happen on my timetable, but I know someday it will happen, maybe sooner than I expect it. :)



Until tomorrow...Watch out for Hammers!!

Sometimes you don't need a hammer, you're looking for a purse.

I came across a blog a few weeks ago which talked about Purse Theory. Most times when I spread some blog love, it is because I actively read another person's blog, weekly. However this time,I was googling for purses and I came across this and it just spoke to me. To be honest besides Purse Theory, I don't know that I actually care for the rest of Baisically's blog but this theory is brilliant.

The Purse Theory in summary, all women are searching for the perfect bag that is a compliment to all your outfits. This is the bag you use until it dies and can't be used anymore. Feel free to go and read Baisically's description if you like more explanation, but it got me thinking if the Purse Theory was true about the men in my life.

I have always had an interesting sense of self comparative to others. I never want the purse that all my friends have. I always want something that is interesting and that alot of people wouldn't want. I want a purse that fits my needs.

So if I described what I was looking for in an ultimate purse, would it compare to my dating life?

My ideal purse is medium to large, large enough to be seen and useful. When I am looking at men I generally like them tall and broad. Maybe I see that as useful in my fashion and life. I also like a purse to multifunction. It should be able to jut to the market as well as go out on the town. Finding a man who cleans up well for a night on the town and who is comfortable at home is also an ideal Target. I also like a Purse with a little distinction sometimes that could mean a fancy label, but more so it's just a little bit of quirk to the design that sets it apart from everyone else. This also falls in line with how I like my men. As I have said many times on this blog, I am probably dating the guys with quirks as opposed to popular playboys.

However in my real life I am never happy with just one bag. In my dating life I am actually drawn to one man at a time and the length of the relationships vary. There have been two long relationships and some memorable style choices along the way. Maybe my single life is really reflected through my fashion. I have a closet full of bags. Most of the bags are big, few are small. There are a few classic neutrals that go with everything, although there are some quirky statement pieces. Sometimes I will keep a bag in rotation for days, weeks, month, at a time before donating it to Goodwill. Some men in my life are there for days, weeks, months at a time before I help them move along to where they are supposed to go.

My bag always matches my outfit or the occasion, just as the men I choose while dating often match the time period of my life. Choosing bags for a trip or vacation really limits my options, I really have a problem choosing just one. Yes, they're all great bags which serve many purposes, but what if I am away and I have only brought Vera options. Then I am invited to a fancy dinner out with a handsome Mr. Right, will I be happy with my flowery staple or will I be dreaming of my perfect patent clutch? In contrast, on this singles cruise I am on, I find myself having a hard time committing to just one choice. If I only bring the quirky Vera will I long for the straw clutch that I didn't buy on sale?

I blogged a few weeks ago about Moving Targets, I still owe you a blog about my favorite Moving Target, Steelers Guy, hopefully I can publish that this week.

I have so many blogs started, they are in the oven baking as it were, but lately it's been so hard to finish icing them and show them to the world. It's always hard to write about the work in progress as opposed to that time you burnt the cookies.

Back to the topic at hand, Purse Theory, well I am beginning to think the reason why I don't have a love affair with one great man is the same reason while I have a room full of purses. I am beginning to think that I might be a Moving Target. Maybe Gertie isn't meant to keep a man for longer than a few iconic seasons. Perhaps I am so stylish and wonderful that if I just kept one bag for too long that I would be depriving my inner Fashionista? What do you think?

Only time will tell......

In the interim I am determined to keep bringing the spotlight to all the wonderful bags in my closet. Maybe one day an elusive Birkin or perhaps a designer original will tie me down for all seasons. But until then, I will keep rotating all the lovely choices in my closet and keep the fashion fresh as the season change.

As I recently RSVPed to a wedding with "Flavor of the Month," in lieu of and Guest or a Gentleman's Name because I am really unsure who the guest will be. I feel like if I limit my bag options, I might miss the purse of my dreams.

Watch out for Hammers!,

Gertie

XoXo

Too Fast, Too Soon

I have been thinking a lot recently about things I may have done hastily in the past. I wonder if not weighing my options and committing too soon has brought me to this place where I am now, aka The Singleverse. I don't really think I was settling before, but I think I was a little quick to" jump all in, "as it were. Don't get me wrong, as I recently posted, I am loving my single life. However it's very easy for me to fall into a relationship. It's something that just comes naturally to me, and in the past, I would just go with it. Is this because I am a secret romantic? Am I just too loveable? Or is it the men I date? Nowadays, I have been making every attempt to keep relationships at bay, at times being distant or acting quite like a commitment phobe. I don't always think it's because the person doesn't have potential, I know it is because of my past.

Keeping in mind that I play a hand in the way things fall out, I wanted to think about the other people involved in these jump started relationships. I thought about the type of men I date who like to jump the gun and go all in, right out of the starting gates. I read an interesting article that said this happens because people are not out of love with their ex. Now in this article, a wife writes about how her husband asked her to move in with him after three weeks of dating. This author declined because she recognized this could be settling. Eventually they did end up together. But because he was right for her, declining the initial invitation merely wounded him a bit. The decline did not end their relationship. Being honest really helped them grow into something that was meant to be. I have had some dates where I was scared by people who fit the scenario, of still being in love with their ex. Overall however, this is generally not the brush that Gertie's relationship history is painted with.

Now our heroine doesn't move in with people after three weeks, although she has seen relationships flourish where that did happen. Gertie acknowledges it can work out in the long run for some people. Our heroine's issue is that she seems to like nice guys who may not be everyone's cup of tea. To be brutally honest, I have been told by quite a few of my friends I have ugly goggles. If you're handsome on the inside and questionable on the outside, I probably think you are hot. I often date guys whom others may have not given a chance, sometimes these guys haven't had a girlfriend in a while, or Gertie could be the cutest girl who has ever given them a date. Now don't get confused and think that I am running around thinking I am the hotness. This is not my point. Evaluating people on more than just what their physical appearance portrays is my character flaw. I am more of a Chubby Man with Animal Magnetism type girl. CMAM as it is abbreviated, goes along way with Gertie. I like nerds, nice guys, assholes with hearts of gold, atypical stud muffins, men with quirks; those are my guys.

Back to the subject at hand, I find myself at this Crux often when it comes to dating. When in the point of dating/early relationship does exclusivity become vital? How am I supposed to know within a few dates if someone is the one? IF I left it up to the men I went on dates with, I wouldn't have had a singleversary. In fact I would still be dating the Virgin, or the Lawyer, or Number 6 if I left exclusivity be the men in my life's decision.

I know that people assert that when it's the one, you know. Although I must assert, that I am confused at times.Twice in my life I have been in LT relationships where I jumped all in and that didn't end up being true. I know find myself like a fully clothed girl sticking her toe in the swimming pool. Even if the water is tempid, I just don't want to put on my suit and jump all in. And even if you want to wait because you're scared, unsure, frightened to be hurt again wouldn't the right guy really wait for you?

I went to a movie with some girlfriends this past weekend, Ok some of the girlfriends flaked but an amazing one showed up. It's a friend who I know is always honest and quite the straight shooter. We don't see each other often but she always asks if there are men in my life. My response was that there was but I was hesitant about him, she stared at me and said, "With your track record, I can see why." She was right, I have been burned. The expression goes fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. But really at this point, if Gertie goes all in a third time in the game of love she just becomes a fool. Even when writing this blog, often I wait to write about dates because I am scared I might jinx something that is budding in my midst. Most often you hear about the laughs once the guys are on their way out the door, and running from my hammer.

Therefore I am now instituting a 10 date rule, to be followed from this point forward. See Rule #12. Gertie will not be exclusive with anyone until after at least 10 dates. Caveat to this rule, if dates accrue quickly Gertie relents to being tied down until after 90 days. Gertie will inform suitors of this rule and they can take it or leave it. It's not that our girl is trying to be a player, it's just that her heart can't handle being played for a fool when it comes to love.

Do you agree with the 10 date rule? Do you think 90 days is too long to make a decision about exclusivity? In your life did you always know immediately without any hesitation when you met the one? I have put down my hammer and am now accepting comments, so don't be scared to share your actual thoughts.

For your listening enjoyment a song that reminded me of men in general:


Until next time,
Gertie XoXo

Updated Rules and Targets as of April

I'm back!! I know I know, it's been a while since I have blogged. I have been kind of busy, but it's really no excuse to keep my readers at bay. I mean there are 11 of you now. :) And I am sure there are a few not listed in the membership roster, so thanks to all of you for being patient.

Every month I will evaluate how my rules and targets are going and revise if necessary, the update is going to occur midmonth keeping in the Gertie tradition. I am quite a bit tardy in updating my rules and targets, but let's get those out of the way and then there are going to be some updates:

Here are the original Rules and Targets and here is the Revised Version

(Updates for this month are in orange):

Rules for Dating by Gertie:

1. Give everyone who asks a first date, after careful screening, they will all teach you something. (Ooops, I need to get back to this rule)

2. Google everyone before you're first date make sure they aren't a serial killer and their story checks out. (Mandatory, do not stray from this rule)

3. Give everyone that makes you laugh a second date, when you're old laughter will matter more than you know.

4. Give everyone your Google Voice number, shield your actual cell phone number.

5. Have an email address exclusively for online dating, don't link that email to anything else in your life.

6. Only give third dates to men who make you feel butterflies, no need to waste time.

7. Kissing on a first date is the exception not the rule, but sometimes kissing on the first date is exceptional.

8. See a man's place before you every invite him to yours.

9. Bring enough cash on a date to roll out if the need arises.

10. Honesty is a paramount quality, watch out for inconsistencies.

11. Ask every man what he is looking for and make sure we are on the same page by date three.

12. Institute the 10 date rule(to be blogged about shortly)

Male Targets:
1. Tall men who reach the top shelf - remember to subtract two inches from a listed height on an online dating profile.

2. Broad Men who give Great Hugs; subjective but necessary

3. Someone who doesn't want to hang out everyday, but who wants to hangout a few times a week, with boundaries.

4. Someone who is awesome and has friends that are awesome, bonus points if your friends would mesh well with my friends.

5. Someone who knows there way around a kitchen, bar, or a pantry. I like Men who can cook, bake, and especially craft an interesting cocktail or two.

6. Gentleman who remember the little things, without being asked and care about your well being.

7. Someone who makes you laugh, the type of laughter that explodes throughout your entire body.

8. Someone who loves their mom, sister, women in their life but in a healthy well adjusted way.

9. A Great Communicator.

10. Someone who likes to eat cake, and other applicable cake skills.

I am not going to be updating the 17 Guys to Date this Month, since I haven't been blogging I don't want to ruin any surprises.

I do however want to share an update on Miss Off the Market, we all know from her blog that wedding bells were in her future. Well the funny thing that Gertie wanted to share today was about her friend's flair. Her wedding invite was cute and personalized beyond belief. The response card by far was Gertie's favorite she has ever seen. (Apologies to my other friends, please don'ta be offended) The design of the card was a mad lib where you filled in your sentiments about the couple's special day. Of course Gertie's response attempted humor and tried to use superfluous diction where possible, but the best part of all was where Gertie had to enter her Guest's name. Traditionally & Guest would suffice, but our heroine had to step it up a notch. She often has contenders in the works, so which companion would escort her to this stellar event,drumroll please...... none other than:

THE FLAVOR OF THE MONTH.....To be continued sometime in September :)

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Updated Rules Targets and Dates March 2012

Updated Rules Targets and Dates as of March 2012

Every month I will evaluate how my rules and targets are going and revise if necessary, the update is going to occur midmonth keeping in the Gertie tradition.

Here are the original Rules and Targets and here is the Revised Version(Updates for this month are in bold):

Rules for Dating by Gertie:

1. Give everyone who asks a first date, after careful screening, they will all teach you something.

2. Google everyone before you're first date make sure they aren't a serial killer and their story checks out. (Mandatory, do not stray from this rule)

3. Give everyone that makes you laugh a second date, when you're old laughter will matter more than you know.

4. Give everyone your Google Voice number, shield your actual cell phone number.

5. Have an email address exclusively for online dating, don't link that email to anything else in your life.

6. Only give third dates to men who make you feel butterflies, no need to waste time.

7. Kissing on a first date is the exception not the rule, but sometimes kissing on the first date is exceptional.

8. See a man's place before you every invite him to yours.

9. Bring enough cash on a date to roll out if the need arises.

10. Honesty is a paramount quality, watch out for inconsistencies.

11. Ask every man what he is looking for and make sure we are on the same page by date three.

Male Targets:
1. Tall men who reach the top shelf - remember to subtract two inches from a listed height on an online dating profile.

2. Broad Men who give Great Hugs; subjective but necessary

3. Someone who doesn't want to hang out everyday, but who wants to hangout a few times a week.

4. Someone who is awesome and has friends that are awesome, bonus points if your friends would mesh well with my friends.

5. Someone who knows there way around a kitchen, bar, or a pantry. I like Men who can cook, bake, and especially craft an interesting cocktail or two.

6. Gentleman who remember the little things, without being asked and care about your well being.

7. Someone who makes you laugh, the type of laughter that explodes throughout your entire body.

8. Someone who loves their mom, sister, women in their life but in a healthy well adjusted way.

9. A Great Communicator.

10. Someone who likes to eat cake, and other applicable cake skills.

Status on the 17 Guys to Date in 2012 (even if their dates haven't been blogged about, yet!)
Dates Accomplished
Well we have already coverd number 5, 6, and 13, this month while there have been a lot of dates I really think we only knocked a few more off the list:

Technically through Pon Farr we have blogged about Number 4 but Gertie can’t check that off her list.

Gertie has gone on dates with Number 10, The Guy Online Who Actually Took The Time To Read Your Profile And Comment On It Thoughtfully. His profile picture is almost irrelevant. This guy gets a date just for making the effort that so many other dudes online do not. We’ll be reading more about Fred Flinstone in the next few blogs, but feel free to start reading about him here

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Updated Rules Targets and Dates so far in 2012

Mid month every month from here on in I will update if necessary my rules and targets, and I will also post how many of the guys from my post in dating in 2012 I have given dates.

Here are the original Rules and Targets and here is the Revised Version(Updates are in bold):

Rules for Dating by Gertie:

1. Give everyone who asks a first date, they will all teach you something.
2. Google everyone before you're first date make sure they aren't a serial killer and their story checks out. (Mandatory, do not stray from this rule)
3. Give everyone that makes you laugh a second date, when you're old laughter will matter more than you know.
4. Give everyone your Google Voice number, shield your actual cell phone number. (Yes my friends Gertie got a batphone!!)
5. Have an email address exclusively for online dating, don't link that email to anything else in your life.
6. Only give third dates to men who make you feel butterflies, no need to waste time.
7. Kissing on a first date is the exception not the rule.
(But sometimes kissing on the first date is exceptional)
8. See a man's place before you every invite him to yours.
9. Bring enough cash on a date to roll out if the need arises. (Great rule - Thanks Dad!)
10. Honesty is a paramount quality, watch out for inconsistencies.

Male Targets:
1. Tall men who reach the top shelf - remember to subtract two inches from a listed height on an online dating profile.

2. Broad Men who give Great Hugs; subjective but necessary
3. Someone who doesn't want to hang out everyday, but who wants to hangout a few times a week.
4. Someone who is awesome and has friends that are awesome, bonus points if your friends would mesh well with my friends.
5. Someone who knows there way around a kitchen, bar, or a pantry. I like Men who can cook, bake, and especially craft an interesting cocktail or two.
6. Gentleman who remember the little things, without being asked and care about your well being.
7. Someone who makes you laugh, the type of laughter that explodes throughout your entire body.
8. Someone who loves their mom, sister, women in their life but in a healthy well adjusted way.
9. A Great Communicator.
10. Someone who likes to eat cake, and other applicable cake skills.

Status on the 17 Guys to Date in 2012 (even if their dates haven't been blogged about, yet!)
Dates Accomplished
(***UPDATE:The same guy can only count under 1 of the 17 types even though he may qualify under multiple categories.***)

5. The Single Dad Who’s Ready To Find Love Again. Having shunned single dads in the past because Gertie didn't want to be an Evil Step Mother, you should resolve to at least take it into consideration. - Accomplished part way, we setup a date...blog to follow

6. The Guy Whose Job/Apartment You Might Not Love But Who Treats You Like a Princess. If he treats you like gold and you’re discounting him because of he’s a bartender who lives in studio apartment, you’re focusing on the wrong things. With the exception of him being involved in criminal activities at the bar or hiding dead bodies in his studio apartment, he is highly datable. -Well we've had two dates which fall into this category because we are really being flexible about our dates, since we have been following Rule #1. Give everyone a date who asks. Blog to follow shortly.

13. The Guy Who Loves to Cook For You. How ironic that he loves to cook for me because I love to eat. This could work. Well it didn't work out with BB&J but he fell into this category, we will count someone else in the future if it occurs.

Well I feel like that's positive ladies & gents, we're barely into the New Year and we already have 3 of the 17 types checked off the list, we will keep on swimming and update you more next month.


Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Gertie throws coffee at boys

Hi!

Sorry it's been a while I have been regrouping since the end of BB&J. I have been working on a blog about the Southerners, and pouring over what other dating antidotes that I will be bringing to you shortly. There are just so many funny stories.

Having put back up my profiles and made a hasty effort to populate some dates to get back out there, here is my dating story from last weekend. I'd like to start this story with a quote from Patti Stanger, a personal favorite, everyone should watch her on Bravo because Millionaire Matchmaker will make you laugh.

"Coffee is cheap. Drinks are an audition. Lunch is an interview. Dinner means business...the business of romance"

I rarely if ever accept coffee dates. I don't mind lunch because sometimes it fits better in the schedule and maybe there is an activity thrown around it. But I don't drink coffee, I drink Green Tea and generally not in coffee shops on first dates.

Arriving at the centrally located coffee shop between me and my perspective suitor. Let's call him Jack, it's a harmless name. I arrived and he was seated with his coffee, but he walked over to meet me and paid for my tea. This was nice and unexpected gesture because generally if I were to go to coffee, men don't really pay for your drink. Previous coffee experiences have shown that each party purchase their own refreshment, but Jack started the date being a gentleman.

I mentioned that this date was hastily planned after recently plunging back in. I had not exchanged actual email information with Jack, I didn't know his last name, I didn't really know much more than his profile proffered and that he wanted to meet quickly and see if we clicked. Note to readers: Gertie broke her Rules and these were the consequences...

We had a twenty minute of chit chat learning more about each other. He lived about twenty minutes away from Gertie. He had bad boy tattoos which seemed incredibly hot at the time. He enjoyed similar interests. He talked alot about things he liked and he was a little forward, but sometimes that is charming. He seemed confident, well put together, and Gertie was really enjoying the date. He asked if she would like to have dinner sometime and she agreed.

And then Jack drops the bomb, he just wants to be clear about what he is looking for. (Good being on the same page is important) He is looking for a girlfriend (seems reasonable), he wants someone to have dinners, spend time, romance but that's as far as it can go because he isn't looking for a serious commitment. (Well we're not really on the same page long term, but ok.....) Because he is MARRIED!!! (WTF) He is not looking to change anything about his situation he is just looking for someone to have a meaningful relationship with...(ABORT!! Did I meet this guy on Ashley Madison?? I wasn't aware I was looking to be the other woman)

I thought my head was going to implode, I considered throwing my tea across the table. I wondered if it was hot enough to scald him and possibly leave a mark. Then he would owe his poor wife an explanation and maybe he would get caught. I think he saw the look of horror on my face, his chair scooted back slightly from the table. He started to proffer some explanation. I cut him off, I had some questions of my own. I asked him if we had met on an online dating sight for singles? My follow up question was what about my profile lead you to believe I was interested in being a Mistress? Before there was an answer I asked him if he had heard of Ashley Madison, because that was a more appropriate place for his needs. I told him never to contact me again slammed my tea on the table and insulted him on the way out. If only I had been equipped with an actual hammer.

Later that night I reported his profile to the online dating site. Previous efforts have shown Gertie, thanks to a very close friend that sometimes perusing Ashley Madison isn't a bad idea. Not to find a date but to disqualify perspective suitors. You'd be surprised how many people purporting as singles on traditional dating sites are really Jack-assess!

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

P.s. Don't worry Gertie has alot more posts coming because this weekend was full of dates. :)