Gertie throws more than just hammers, sometimes she throws darts.

I have been saying that I was going to blog about Fred Flinstone since the middle of March. However the best information I have shared thus far, is that we went to coffee. As a preview to a blog that should post sometime later in the week, I will simply disclose that we are still dating... and as of today I have not yet thrown the hammer in his direction.

However I had an interesting dates right before vacation that I want to talk about today. Some people send you messages and are vague, maybe they tell you their initial and not their name. Maybe they share their general line of work, but not their employer. I would say that when people are guarded, I am generally respectful because I see why there are slow to share personal details about their lives online. I mean even though I blog, I try to do so somewhat anonymously. So sometimes when a person messages me online and they share a little too much information up front it sends off little red flags in my head. Alarms start going off and I wonder why is this person so trusting to a stranger online? I mean I am a super hero who uses her Magic Hammer to track bad guys and apprehend villains and I don't share that with men until at least the third date.

Back to the date at hand, I was messaged by a seemingly interesting gentleman and within the first few messages I easily had enough information to run a credit check and verify most of his life history. He revealed that he was also a super hero. Although he solved crimes with a bat mobile and tool belt in lieu of a hammer. He worked in a neighboring city. He was familiar with my home turf and by all accounts he felt like he could volunteer all this information before Gertie ever revealed her super lineage. Being familiar with how superheroes communicate with one another, I almost wanted to prank his bat signal to teach him a lesson about revealing too much information to a perfect stranger. However, I didn't want to get the Justice League upset with me.

I decided even though I had already met a chivalrous gentleman in Fred Flinstone that I was still on the hunt for Mr. Right. Not a girl to put all my eggs in one basket, I should give Batman a date. However since loose lips sink ships, I didn't divulge too much information about my myself until I met Bruce Wayne in person. Tired of the old dinner, movie, chit chat scene and attempting to test Batman's knowledge of the local venues. Gertie decided to meet him at her favorite sports lounge (Read Dive Bar) and play some darts. To be honest, Gertie just didn't want to have to drive too far if Batman was disappointing. Also Gertie knows that some friends from work often hang out there. The dive is big enough where she could avoid her coworkers if necessary. By playing darts, Gertie could also have a beer with them if Batman flaked. She had a suspicion that he might not actually show.

Twice Gertie thought about canceling the date because of some mixed emotions.

She decided to get gussied up in her casual best and go meet Batman none the less. Arriving about ten minutes early, Gertie sat in the parking lot and peered around for familiar cars. There was no one from her social circle and the local Hump Bar so she made her way inside. She got a drink from the familiar bartender and made her way to the dart room. As we know our heroine is very skilled with throwing her hammer, but there would have to be some adjustments in her throws to land some darts. As she warmed up, she was joined by the Dark Knight. She quickly realized he probably shared so much over email because he was definitely the silent type.

Although the darts were fun, the company was rather lackluster. Batman was slightly amusing but I think he could have benefited from a sidekick. In lieu of a Dick Grayson look alike, Batman had a furry partner in crime. We had some beers and got to know each other a little better. Although to be honest he really was all about his super tool belt, Batphone, and Batmobile. There wasn't much to his nature besides fighting crime. He seemed rather obsessed with it. He wasn't really interested in the business of romance. He had some bemusing stories but they all involved his work. Not one to be interested in the one dimensional superhero, I tried to delve deeper into his other interests and see if there was much more beneath the surface. It appeared there was not. I didn't ever reveal my super hero status to the Dark Knight. I didn't really give him the hammer either. I just kind of lefting him hanging.......I told him of my vacation and that it would be a while before I got back in town. He sent me a few messages whilest I was away. To be honest, I just kind of ghosted him a bit. I figured he would get the hint if I didn't show any interest.

Surprisingly the Dark Knight did not like being ignored, he retorted with a message about how he thought we had a connection and he often goes to the Hump Bar. He hoped to see me again sometime, he wasn't mad I had been aloof. He left the door open to contact him at my own pace. Maybe the timing was just off since we work in neighboring towns and both fight evil, maybe our paths will cross again. Who knows maybe when Gertie is done investigating Caveman, she might send up a Bat Signal.

Watch out for hammers,
Gertie XoXo

Updated Rules Targets and Dates March 2012

Updated Rules Targets and Dates as of March 2012

Every month I will evaluate how my rules and targets are going and revise if necessary, the update is going to occur midmonth keeping in the Gertie tradition.

Here are the original Rules and Targets and here is the Revised Version(Updates for this month are in bold):

Rules for Dating by Gertie:

1. Give everyone who asks a first date, after careful screening, they will all teach you something.

2. Google everyone before you're first date make sure they aren't a serial killer and their story checks out. (Mandatory, do not stray from this rule)

3. Give everyone that makes you laugh a second date, when you're old laughter will matter more than you know.

4. Give everyone your Google Voice number, shield your actual cell phone number.

5. Have an email address exclusively for online dating, don't link that email to anything else in your life.

6. Only give third dates to men who make you feel butterflies, no need to waste time.

7. Kissing on a first date is the exception not the rule, but sometimes kissing on the first date is exceptional.

8. See a man's place before you every invite him to yours.

9. Bring enough cash on a date to roll out if the need arises.

10. Honesty is a paramount quality, watch out for inconsistencies.

11. Ask every man what he is looking for and make sure we are on the same page by date three.

Male Targets:
1. Tall men who reach the top shelf - remember to subtract two inches from a listed height on an online dating profile.

2. Broad Men who give Great Hugs; subjective but necessary

3. Someone who doesn't want to hang out everyday, but who wants to hangout a few times a week.

4. Someone who is awesome and has friends that are awesome, bonus points if your friends would mesh well with my friends.

5. Someone who knows there way around a kitchen, bar, or a pantry. I like Men who can cook, bake, and especially craft an interesting cocktail or two.

6. Gentleman who remember the little things, without being asked and care about your well being.

7. Someone who makes you laugh, the type of laughter that explodes throughout your entire body.

8. Someone who loves their mom, sister, women in their life but in a healthy well adjusted way.

9. A Great Communicator.

10. Someone who likes to eat cake, and other applicable cake skills.

Status on the 17 Guys to Date in 2012 (even if their dates haven't been blogged about, yet!)
Dates Accomplished
Well we have already coverd number 5, 6, and 13, this month while there have been a lot of dates I really think we only knocked a few more off the list:

Technically through Pon Farr we have blogged about Number 4 but Gertie can’t check that off her list.

Gertie has gone on dates with Number 10, The Guy Online Who Actually Took The Time To Read Your Profile And Comment On It Thoughtfully. His profile picture is almost irrelevant. This guy gets a date just for making the effort that so many other dudes online do not. We’ll be reading more about Fred Flinstone in the next few blogs, but feel free to start reading about him here

Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo

Gertie Throws a Hammer Before the First Date

Oh Batphone, how I love thee, let me count the ways. For all of you who have yet to jump on the bandwagon, I highly recommend Google Voice. It's an excellent way to have an alternate number you can use for dating, texting, business, and to keep your phone number portable. It's also an easy way to block contacts when you are through with them, i.e. send them to SPAM. Normally I am writing about dates that have happened in the past, but today I am taking time to write about something that happened last night which I just can't shake. It was possibly one of the most shocking phone calls of my life, mainly because I have no idea what the person on the other end of the line was thinking as the diarrhea poured from his mouth.

We'll call him Mr. Transportation. He originally listed his job as Entertainment, which made me think he was some type of exotic dancer but turns out after lengthy conversation that he had a CDL and had driven everything from school buses to Greyhounds, to actual tractor trailers. Let me clarify from the start that had he told me about his career from the start, it would have most definitely been a dealbreaker. But let me get back to the story at hand where the Batphone saved my life. Mr. Transportation was 35, divorced, and listed himself as living in a slightly affluent suburb nearby. He seemed funny and initially I was going to give him a date because in his ask he offered to take Gertie shooting. Upon discussion with a few of the inner circle it seemed like writing about a date at the shooting range seemed fun, so Gertie should give it a try.

Gertie called Mr. Transportation using her bat phone to talk about setting up the date. He had said he was available so she should call when she was done running around town. Immediately the phone call which was supposed to be about setting up a dinner date and some gun toting turned into the Story of Mr. Transportation's life.

He told Gertie of his marriage, divorce, that he really didn't live where his profile listed him, where he worked. Turns out he worked for Greyhound but thought it was considered entertainment because he often took people to entertainment venues and got to participate in their fun. Don't worry he told me spouses and girlfriends can often come too. Several times during the conversation Mr. Transportation (oh heck, let's change it to Mr. T.) referred to our upcoming future, if things worked out, if we got married, when I met his mom. By the way this phone call lasted for about an hour and I never knew I could learn so much about someone from without being a Private Eye.

Mr. T then started talking about how he thought Gertie was disinterested because she didn't accept his initial ask last week. She has simply told him she already had plans. He told her he liked all kinds of women. In the time since he thought Gertie might not work out he had engaged in a chat or conversation with a varied amount of women. He described these womens' looks, their ethnicity, and their personas to Gertie on the phone. Then he told her that he was glad it seemed like Gertie was going to work out because she was the top filly in contention. He then moved to talking about exclusivity and how he was a one woman type of man. He asked Gertie if she liked flowers and what were her favorite kind, hinting he would be bringing them on their date.

He continued to tell me about his hobbies, tattoos, and sports teams. If he asked me a question and my answer was contrary to his in regards to one of these arenas, he would follow up with, "Well Opposites Attract!" He also asked Gertie if she was a good kisser and whether she was affectionate. Why do men ask women these questions? Why don't you just take a girl on a date and kiss her? If she is affectionate and kisses you back and you like it you have your answer. I don't really give polls after I kiss to see if the other person gave me a ten. Have you ever had the feeling of impending doom but not been able to avoid the situation? That's where this phone call was heading. I could see that this was headed in a bad direction but I just couldn't hang up the phone.

Mr. T then started to tell Gertie that he lived with his parents. He touted that he hoped this wasn't a deal breaker, that he was a basement dweller in his mother's home. He said it was because one of his parents was dying and he helped care for them, but he couldn't answer what was the ailment.

He proceeded to ask Gertie if she felt like Pizza Hut or Golden Corral are acceptable first dates? He preempted that questions by asking her if she wanted to join him for a Seafood Buffet. He said that he was stepping up his game since another young lady had told him Golden Corral and Pizza Hut weren't places to take Ladies you were trying to woo. He further lamented that he wasn't made of money and these other ladies just seem so high maintenance. I don't really think I accepted a date with him I just shockingly mumbled and attempted to get off the phone. He texted me an address to meet him Friday at 6pm. I never really agreed to the date. He just kept talking. At some point he said tell me about you, but then he kept rambling on about himself. He told Gertie he had been stood up recently by another date. He had not had alot of luck lately with the ladies. He told me that there was one girl he thought he had chemistry with but it hadn't really worked out.

I don't know if it was because I am a glutton for punishment or because I am a fool but I let the man keep talking and that's were our phone call really gets interesting. He starts telling me that he met a lady from a land slightly South of where we reside. The place is a little trashy, to be polite. The young lady and he kept trying to setup dates but she had a very busy schedule. She was going to be in the area, where he lives. Here is where he mentions that he really doesn't live in the posh suburb but actually a modest neighborhood nearby. Not a huge issue, just that he had previously mislead me. SO as it turns out the young lady of Mr. T's was going to be staying at a local hotel in the town which he lives and so since she was there for the weekend they should meet. But the issue at hand is that she has a lot to do while in town so she isn't sure of the time they should plan their get together. Mr. T tells Gertie this story is shocking it made him think about women, sex, and relationships differently. It frightened him from online dating and made him run out and get an STD test. This make Gertie think then why are you sharing this with me on the phone?, but I digress. He continues by telling me that this young lady was in town with her bi friend, she confessed to him that they are swingers. She tells him about the fun of the lifestyle. She apparently tells him that you cannot catch STDs from swallowing cum. Yes Mr. T just said swallowing cum to me on the phone. I wanted to hang up but I had to hear how this outlandish story was going to end. Turns out the young lady had a hotel room in town because she and her friend had setup an ad on Craigslist seeking 15 young suitors to have group sex with, or as Mr. T delicately put it a gangbang. Yes you heard me right folks, this "Nice" man who has mislead me about his career, location, and wants to take me to dinner is now telling me about a gang bang on the phone. He continues that it ends up no one showed up for the gang bang and the girls were very disappointed. He and his friend Tito decided to cheer them up. By the way I will meet Tito soon, if I become his girlfriend, according to Mr. T. Then he and Tito took the ladies to ice cream and to cheer them up Tito told the young lady she could give him a hand job..............SERIOUSLY!!! Then he says the young lady got very upset and demanded to be driven back to the gang bang motel all the while asking me why she would be offended. Tito was simply trying to help the girls out.

Then he told me simply because the swingers rode in his car he got an STD test. I asked him if he knew STD's weren't airborne diseases and he said just being in her presence made him feel dirty. He assured Gertie nothing had transpired with the young lady but Gertie is hesitant to believe that is the case. I am not sure about everyone but to Gertie this was a laughable story. These are stories told after many gazillion dates when you know you have hooked a keeper. These are not first phone call conversation. These are stories you only admit when you are drunk or when your buddy Tito retells them in an attempt to embarrass you.

Gertie ended the phone call. Mr. T tried to confirm if they were on for Friday. Gertie declined she said she had gotten to know him plenty and in this case Opposites did not attract! Hammer Thrown! As Gertie blocked his number on her Batphone and knew she would never hear from Mr. T again, she said a little prayer for modern technology and the invention of Google Voice!

*****UPDATE: Received a text from Mr. T yesterday confirming we had a date from Friday. I responded telling him that we had no such plans, we were not a good match and I wished him luck finding someone more compatible in the future. He proceeded to call and text me for three hours last night. The number of call attempts were inumerable. Here is the voicemail he left me as evidence that this insanity really does exist in the world, fyi I never called him any names, those are his own self deprecating statements.********



Watch out for Hammers!!
Gertie XoXo

Updated Rules Targets and Dates so far in 2012

Mid month every month from here on in I will update if necessary my rules and targets, and I will also post how many of the guys from my post in dating in 2012 I have given dates.

Here are the original Rules and Targets and here is the Revised Version(Updates are in bold):

Rules for Dating by Gertie:

1. Give everyone who asks a first date, they will all teach you something.
2. Google everyone before you're first date make sure they aren't a serial killer and their story checks out. (Mandatory, do not stray from this rule)
3. Give everyone that makes you laugh a second date, when you're old laughter will matter more than you know.
4. Give everyone your Google Voice number, shield your actual cell phone number. (Yes my friends Gertie got a batphone!!)
5. Have an email address exclusively for online dating, don't link that email to anything else in your life.
6. Only give third dates to men who make you feel butterflies, no need to waste time.
7. Kissing on a first date is the exception not the rule.
(But sometimes kissing on the first date is exceptional)
8. See a man's place before you every invite him to yours.
9. Bring enough cash on a date to roll out if the need arises. (Great rule - Thanks Dad!)
10. Honesty is a paramount quality, watch out for inconsistencies.

Male Targets:
1. Tall men who reach the top shelf - remember to subtract two inches from a listed height on an online dating profile.

2. Broad Men who give Great Hugs; subjective but necessary
3. Someone who doesn't want to hang out everyday, but who wants to hangout a few times a week.
4. Someone who is awesome and has friends that are awesome, bonus points if your friends would mesh well with my friends.
5. Someone who knows there way around a kitchen, bar, or a pantry. I like Men who can cook, bake, and especially craft an interesting cocktail or two.
6. Gentleman who remember the little things, without being asked and care about your well being.
7. Someone who makes you laugh, the type of laughter that explodes throughout your entire body.
8. Someone who loves their mom, sister, women in their life but in a healthy well adjusted way.
9. A Great Communicator.
10. Someone who likes to eat cake, and other applicable cake skills.

Status on the 17 Guys to Date in 2012 (even if their dates haven't been blogged about, yet!)
Dates Accomplished
(***UPDATE:The same guy can only count under 1 of the 17 types even though he may qualify under multiple categories.***)

5. The Single Dad Who’s Ready To Find Love Again. Having shunned single dads in the past because Gertie didn't want to be an Evil Step Mother, you should resolve to at least take it into consideration. - Accomplished part way, we setup a date...blog to follow

6. The Guy Whose Job/Apartment You Might Not Love But Who Treats You Like a Princess. If he treats you like gold and you’re discounting him because of he’s a bartender who lives in studio apartment, you’re focusing on the wrong things. With the exception of him being involved in criminal activities at the bar or hiding dead bodies in his studio apartment, he is highly datable. -Well we've had two dates which fall into this category because we are really being flexible about our dates, since we have been following Rule #1. Give everyone a date who asks. Blog to follow shortly.

13. The Guy Who Loves to Cook For You. How ironic that he loves to cook for me because I love to eat. This could work. Well it didn't work out with BB&J but he fell into this category, we will count someone else in the future if it occurs.

Well I feel like that's positive ladies & gents, we're barely into the New Year and we already have 3 of the 17 types checked off the list, we will keep on swimming and update you more next month.


Watch out for Hammers,
Gertie xoxo